Empty Nest

Must have lasagna....Must

So as my dog, who wouldn't come out from under the covers, no lays in the backyard sunning.  I am making lasagna for dinner tonight.  The sauce has been on since 11 am and hopefully by 6-7 I'll like it.  Its getting there and there should be enough for spaghetti a time or two this week.  

Meanwhile, I'm trying to get organized for my trip to Tucson in late December.   I need to know what kind of clothes to take.  I haven't flown since my kids were very little.  It was long before 9/11 so learning the rules is a must.  I'm so old my Driver License doesn't have a picture.  Sooooooo.  I'm assuming my trip to the license place is in order .  Also slip on/off shoes?  Right.  Maybe Crocs are in order there since I may be on them (my feet) a lot.  

It is a beautiful day here in Tennessee....  Really just beautiful.  Thanks God

HALLOWEEN!!!

For the first time in many years I kinda dressed up for Halloween for Friday at the office.  Since we did have an office job I kept it a little "conservative" if you know what I mean.  I was the mean "witchy" UT supporter.  Please be careful with the "witchy" word.  

I was supposed to be smiling.  What the hell do you want from a phone camera..I don't look that close to death.  Really.  

I took the wig off before lunch.  It was giving me a beotch of a headache.  

I go the Dr on Tuesday.  He will give me the results from my scan.  I more scared that I have ever been  Ever   I want to crawl into a corner an not come out.  I hate this waiting etc.  I'm not known for my patience , I've discovered that anything anyone says to me effects me differently.  I want to cry half the time and don't. I may just explode before Tuesday.   

I have candy.  Plenty of it BECAUSE...This just may be the first day I have ever ever had a trick or treater!!!!  If I don't, its all going to work afterword.  I don't need to gain back any more of the weight I lost to come back.  I need to buy clothes for son's wedding and I'm not sure what size to buy.  

Its freezing here.  35 this morning.  Freeze on everything.  Rosco is in the bed under the electric blanket.  What a hoot!!!

I'm going to attempt to do the NaBloPoMo.  I'll try to post every day and get back in the business of blogging.  I haven't been full of posting lately.

Happy TRICK OR TREAT today, tomorrow etc!!!

Well. This is weird.

I've felt odd and quite tired.  I've always felt that way after a treatment so, as miserable as I was it was like that all the time  BUT   the tingling and neurpathy (?) was getting worse. Mon. night it was up to my knees and just driving me nuts.  I mentioned it to the nurse and she called in a medicine called Lyrica.  It supposed to help but here's the kicker.  After 3 days of taking it. my index fingers are useless.  I can't pick up anything using them heck I can't even push the button on the remote with and index finger.  I don't know if its the medicine our the effects of the medicine OXY that I stopped taking.  After I stopped the OXY the neurapathy went away for a while but now it has come back with a vengeance.  

I'm not sure about my spelling today so don't hold me accountable ok?  One of the knuckles on my left index finger is swollen and sore while the right arm is sore and that index finger is useless.  I'm rather confused if I should keep taking the meds or not. Maybe I'm just getting an old person attack.  I don't know.  

I'm impatient.  I want to feel wonderful since I'm off chemo but....when realization hits, I've really only been off if it since Thursday and since I've had the crap pumped into me for 6 months, it will probably take that long to get it out of my system.  

I'm very tire this morning.  I think I'll go the Einstein Bagels and get something for breakfast, get my oil changed and come on home .  Big game tonight  UT vs Alabama.  I hope they don't chew us up and spit us out like Georgia did.    GO VOLS!!!

Edit:  OOPS they did.....Grrr
  

THE END!!!

The absolutely last dose of chemo has entered my body.  I'm ready to put up with the possibility of feeling bad for a few days but  IT SHOULD BE THE LAST TIME!!!!

I do have to have a scan next Tuesday and then the following Tuesday 11/2 wil be my visit to the Dr so he can tell me that I'm clean and clear.  I'm so happy and surprised I lasted the 6 months here alone.  I had a few visits from my kids but they live so far away and have their own interests, jobs and degrees that they couldn't get here often.  

I was having a dreadful day today.  You know, you drop everything you touch. trip, confused etc.  Well, I was leaving from treatment this morning when an elder couple came in and I'm sure one of them was waiting for the nurses to hook them up.  The wife was very friendly and asked me how I was.  Well, I dropped ear plugs, pens, cell phone you name it so I said" I'm fine but I'm thinking I need to go home, someplace safe and start over tomorrow!"  She smiled and I said goodbye.  I was standing at the desk talking to the nurse and I fel a tag on my shoulder.  

It was the wife.  She handed me this

Isn't it beautiful.  I guess she or her husband made it.  She said "Keep this and Jesus will take care of you today and after".   Wasn't that beautiful?  I haven't dropped a thing since 10:00 am this morning.  My broken toe even stopped hurting.  Its a little bracelet and I wore it all day.   

I wish I had asked for their name.  I have to go back Thursday to get this pump disconnected for the FINAL time.  Maybe they will be there.  

I can't even describe how I feel.  Really.  I have it with the other wonderful gifts I was given to get me thru this.  Thanks Jesus....I had a wonderful and safe day

10-10-10

Just to commemorate this unusual day,,,

10-10-10

AND, AT 10:10 THIS AM I WAS HAVING A WONDERFUL CONVERSATION WITH MY SISTER!!!    

HAPPY FALL EVERYONE!!!

ONE TO GO!!!

That's where I am.  In two weeks I go for my last (hopefully) chemo treatment. I won't really be relieved until my visit w/ Dr on 11/2.  Thats when he'll tell me the results of the last scan etc.  I am so excited. 

I talked to a wonderful friend tonight.  Evidently my phone  called her and I didn't know it.  She heard a bunch of my conversations. Any way,she called back and we had a wonderfully long conversation. I wish to goodness she lived closer. 

For some reason I'm terribly depressed now and don't know why.  I am sure it will pass but for right now.....

That's all

Have a nice Wednesday everyone!!!

Well, its a vacation of sorts....

Yes, its only a total of 4 days, and two of the are weekend days but guess what?  Its 4 whole days off, the weather is supposed to be beautiful.  The bad thing is the Zoot family won't be home Friday, they're going camping.  I had entertained going there for a visit but this is a bad weekend.  I've marked the other ones so, if I get some more time off that I can schedule it on a good weekend.

Anyway, I'm fixin' to create some seafood soup (total experiment) but I have some crab meat (real stuff) that needs to be used.  I guess if I get a bowl or two of good soup..it'll be ok.  

UT is going to LSU on Saturday to possibly get their butts totally wiped up but I'll be rooting like hell that they'll do ok and potentially win.  I love our new coach and it may take a year or so but they will get better.  And, he's not a big ol' dull pile of Michelin rolled orange.  Yep, he's better than that no matter what!!!!

Ok, I just wanted to keep in touch.  I have plans this weekend, including throwing a lot of stuff away.  Also, getting together with friends Friday night for Chili.  We all bring stuff to accompany it.  Guess what?  Me....black olives.  I LOVE them.  I may also make regular corn bread (sweet).  One person is making Mexican Corn bread so, for those of us yankees who just don't jump up & down for hot stuff, will just make wonderful sweet corn bread.

Have a wonderful evening everyone.  GO VOLS!!!!!

 

10 down 2 to go

This week hit me like a ton of bricks.  I can not believe the difference between Monday and then Tuesday after a treatment.  At least its one more down and two to go.  Surely I can stand this 2 more times right?

So, its Florida Week!!!

I'm not going into detail but this was just a dreadful week for a lot more reasons than my health, treatment etc.  Just a plain awful week for me, and everyone at work.  Hence..no posts.  I'm better today except...

I'm watching the UT/Florida game and so far, its not making me very happy. I know we're a young team etc....BUT GOOD LORD THIS IS FLORIDA!!!   QB just threw a pass that someone caught......Go Vols.  

TOUCHDOWN TENNESSEE!!!!!! GO PHIL SIMS KID..NICE PASS!!!! SCORE NOW 10-10.  Those of you not from Tennessee don't understand that 10-10 is good for us.  Really!!  Beating Florida would make us SEC heroes...Well, except in Florida.  Yes I know there is nearly a half to go but still.  We are holding our own.  Wish I drank beer.  

Maybe since UT didn't start anything until I started posting...I should keep yakking until the game is over..maybe that will be a good omen....Florida QB just tripped and fell...over his own feet.  Lost 2 yds.  FL has to punt...FAKE punt....Caught Tenn with their pants down!!!.  FL on TN 25 yd line.....CRAP

Took Rosco out partying last night.  It wore him out miserably.  He's slept all day long.  Keep in mind I was home by 8:30.  He just loves being around other people as long as he can find me when he looks.  I should have taken some pictures.  Actually, it wasn't a "party" just a get together with friends and wine.   Nice.  

TD Florida...grrrrrrr

3 TO GO!!

GOOD NEWS HOPEFULLY...AIN'T I BEAUTIFUL!!!!  HEHEHEH

I made it thru another treatment.  Met w/ dr.  My last treatment is Oct 21st.  I go to the radiologist on 10/26 for ct-c/a/p.  I then take them back to Dr Gharavi on 11/2.  That, I think, will be my last visit.  I asked him if he was expecting to find anything on the scans and he said no, but that he needs a new base to compare future scans with.  He took me off OXY (cold stuff) today.  He's afraid I'm getting toxic from it.  Plus, my feet are crazy.

NOW.  If someone would please come and visit me, and help me clean out my garage and closet that I started this weekend, neither of which are usable right now, AND...a dip/s*it on chemo should never have started.   I would really appreciate it.  I have 5 million Ziploc/Glad ware all over my living room.  Probably with no tops that match.......

 

Love you all

 

I got over it..

I posted yesterday am when all of a sudden the whole damn Firefox collapsed and didn't save my post. That put me in such a bad mood I didn't try again.  I'm in a better mood today. Rosco and I had a beautiful day yesterday.  He is so happy when the doors and window are open and the house is full of fresh air.  Actually, I do too.  It supposed to get hot next week but so we are enjoying this weekend.  Surely Fall will be here soon!!

What a great football game last night.  No one really knows what kind of team the Vols will have, and yes, they only played UT Martin BUT the score was 50-0 so they did what they were supposed to do.  Oregon comes next weekend.  That score may be just a bit different than last nights!!!

The last 2 weeks have been just a bit more difficult than the previous ones. I slept until 8:30 this morning, woke up,froze, and now am sitting on the couch trying not to fall asleep.  I so hate this tired stuff w/ chemo.  Tingles are back.  Not too bad but slightly annoying   BUT.  I only have 4 more treatments and I guess anything can be done 4 more times.
 Have a wonderful, safe holiday weekend everyone.  Enjoy the long holiday weekend, I know I will!!! 

Just a little of a long time.........4 TO GO

Here I am after the worst week in quite a long time.  Last weekend, I turned on my PC(which had been off for a few days) and guess what?  Virus...got into my PC and ate up a bunch of stuff.  Great....I just couldn't figure out what the problem was or couldn't see what it was.   So, after cursing, restoring etc I went and bought an MacBook Pro.  Yep...13" little buddy computer.   Now, all I have to do is figure out how to work it.  I at least found my blog and a few other things. The only thing I can get from my PC is my gmail.  I saved a ton of my passwords and links.  Just in case I can not figure this computer out etc its nice knowing that at least I can get to it from that piece of crap called a PC.

So....any input would be wonderful.  I do have 2 dummy books so my plan this weekend, after I get Rosco his rabies shot and his nails cut, get my nails done....and my rabies shot, is to work on knowledge of this.

I had treatment number 8 on Tuesday.  Wore my little buddy for two days and headed back Thursday am to have pump removed.   When I woke up Thursday I didn't feel "right" so I took my BP.  It was high.  Higher than it has ever been. I went to work and it had worked its way down (yes, I took BP meds).  Went to get the pump removed and told them about the BP.  She took it and it was high but we hooked me up to the fluids for 1-1/2 hrs.   She took the BP again.  It was up to 190/160.  She panicked and sent me to the ER (Next door).  I don't blame her, what with my medical history.  BUT.  I was there for 3 1/2 hrs.  Just laying on a cart after taking a pill.  To make a long story short I had a horney Dr. Mean as hell nurse and we won't mention the orderlies.  Or the nurse. They did a Cat scan of my head.  Nothing there.  And the horney Dr said he didn't know why they sent me there.  Well, I was so short tempered and trying to be nice, I told him I was heading home to bed....Direct quote here "I wish I could go with you".....ahhhhhhhhhh.   So I have to monitor BP for 4-5 days and go see my main Dr.  Pop a Doc....

My co worker was out sick Monday and Tuesday.  Reaction to something.  Ended up in the ER too.   My boss's mother passed away this week and she was buried Thursday afternoon.  Basically as a week this one has sucked.

I mean I had one more treatment, meaning 1 less I have to have. That's good.  I have a new computer.  We won't discuss the fact that I am having to re-introduce myself to it.  Rosco and I are just sitting here, I'm sipping on wine and he's outside barking at god knows what.  He'll be mad in the AM when he gets his shot and his claws cut.  You wouldn't believe how long they are.

Tonight was the last episode of 'Royal Pains" for the summer.  Good news is it'll be back in January with new episodes.  Bad news, its over for now.....dammit..  I love that show.

Have a nice Friday everyone.  Its beautiful here.

7 done.....5 to go!!!

I went this morning and it was fine.   I seem to be agreeing with the lower dosage.  I'm home now and drinking ICED tea with no problem.  It may start tomorrow but....maybe not!!

Five to go....finally the to go number is lower than the done number....I really felt good this afternoon at work.  Of course we had a conference call that was useful and needed so that helped the afternoon go on by.

It is so darned hot here.  Feels like is 100 and its not looking good for the rest of the week.  We've had no rain at my house.  Rosco and I are looking forward to cooler temps to enjoy the outside and start walking again.  I will not go out in this heat though.  He hates it too.  He doesn't stay out much in this heat.  I sure don't blame him either.

Heres hoping that the temperature may get into the 80's  soon!!!

 

Sunday...darn it

My daughter and the kids just left.  I hate it because I had a ball.  I'll admit I wasn't such a ball of fire, but it was wonderful.  When the tired sets in, it sets in and sleep is inevitable.  I fell asleep on the couch last night w/ Nikki on the other side.  Poor Kim had to wake me up so Nikki would have room.

We went to Panera bread yesterday for lunch.  I had broccoli cheese soup and it was delicious.  The kids had Mac and Cheese and ate all that too.  It was delightful.

I'm waiting until 9 am and then I'm going to mow the grass.  It is so long, the forecast for the rest of the week is 90"s plus with overnight being 74.  Geeze.  If I don't cut it  now, one of the neighborhood kids would disappear in it.  And, its supposed to rain next weekend so there's no sense putting it off another week.  Plus, Rosco doesn't love it very long.  You know, his little privates get tickled.

My appetite is back.  The point is, when I get my treatment this Tuesday, will it go away again.  I hope so.  I'm enjoying my smaller size but.....I know I don't have the determination to diet.  I've stopped that years ago...and have no intention of starting again.  Not at my age!!!

Have a great Sunday...

Wednesday....not bad

This week has been ok.  Its going very slow since I can't wait until the weekend to see Kim and the grandchildren..  This will be such a wonderful weekend.  I hope to goodness I can stay "right" all weekend.  I just want to play with them and once again remind them who I am and where I am.  Andy Z is 2 now (close enuf) and making sure he knows who I am is important.  Nikki is wonderful, and since she's been in the hospital with me when I was sick, I can't wait to see her again with me not in a hospital bed.  If time doesn't slow down LilZ will be a complete adult the next time I see him.  I can't wait to see him too..

Maybe he can show me the "way" my new phone works.  Its a Samsung Galaxy S Captivate from ATT.  It does so much and has my facebook hooked up to it, Twitter, and my gmail.  I've managed to do that.  I took it with me today while I went to get "fluids" and it fell out of my lap and somewhere into the recliner.  Had to sit there for the last 30 minutes to find it.  Geeze...

Does anyone watch "Holmes on Homes"?  I love him and his show, but I hope nothing goes wrong with my house because I'll be afraid of any contractor in town.  I'd have to get ahold of Holmes because he's the only one I would trust doing it right!!

I've lost a few more pounds.  I'm  not down to size 10 pants.  but not tops!!  I still have to buy mix and match since I'm a super large tops.  Its frustrating, especially since the problems in not, nor ever has been the girls.  Its the shoulders.   I still look like a half-back

I still have lots of tomatoes...green as hell.   I'd feel better if one, on one plant would just start to turn red.  Can you imagine how good fresh tomatoes and cottage cheese together would be.   ????

Big Brother.   I can't stand Rachel or Matt.................grrr

Happy Wednesday every one!!!

Still ok....except this darn heat!!

Its been forever since it's been below 90 here.  Its been such a hot summer after a dreadfully cold winter.  I guess I'm glad I don't have to have these treatments in the cold weather.  

I haven't done anything terribly exciting lately but I'm looking at a new phone.  If anyone has a Samsung Captivate (att) let me know what you think?  It needs to have WI-FI and I can't find anything about that on the Best Buy site.  I'm with ATT and have been forever.  I don't think the Iphone 4 is all it was cracked up to be so I've decided to get one I can use as a modem so to speak.  I may have to switch to Sprint but I'd rather now.  

My wonderful daughter and her kids are coming next weekend!!!  You have no idea how excited I am about it.  I just can't wait.  I'm going to get some "fluids" this week to help me have a wonderful weekend.  

Question for anyone who can answer it.  My computer (Windows 7) has stopped showing photos.   My daughters, mine and any on Flickr.  Does anyone have any ideas how to fix this or how it happened?  

Tonight I'm making a hamburger and corn on the cob.   How digestively attractive is that going to be?  Actually the corn and fried shrimp I fixed last night are doing ok.  And hamburger is all I have so....its protein right?

Here's a good one..Since they cut back on the amount of oxy that I was getting...I have been HOT twice!!!  Imagine that.  I usually look like a poor homeless woman in the summer with all the clothes I wear but right now, and last night I was actually sweating...Maybe thats a sign that the side effects will back off a bit!!!!

6 down, 6 to go!!!!

Half way, thats what today brought and I'm so thrilled.  I met with the Dr today and he cut my dosage in half.  Especially the Oxy.,  Actually not really half but last month he cut the Oxy 25%.  Today the cut the Oxy and the FU-5 to 60%.  He actually asked me if I wanted to cut the Oxy completely.  I really wanted to say yes.  So bad I wanted to say yes but....Oxy is given for a reason and the reason is to improve my chances of recovering and any reduces any recurring of cancer.  Well, I sure don't want that so I told him lets keep it at 60% for now and see how it works and how the side effects are.  Tonight I'm drinking a bottle of cold water with White Grape flavoring in it and I'm doing well so far.  Now how good is that?! He also suggested I doubled the "mood" pills. He then wrote me a prescription for double the dosage.   I'm sure hoping that works.

Oh yeah and the gave me some medicine (not iron) via slow shot to increase the red cells of my blood.  It's a little low and he's thinking it may be a reason for my extreme exhaustion.  I'm hoping so.  

Epidemic of bed bugs....ick.   I'm watching the news. 

I understand both of my children are either injured, or have bites, poison ivy etc.  All I can say is I hope it goes ok.   I love you guys!!!

Happy Tuesday

Good lord its hotter n/hell here

and plenty of other places but since I'm here.  I'm talking about here...I was feeling pretty good when I woke up this morning (9:00) but tired.   That is a good chemo day I'm telling you.  SO.,since my back  yard hadn't been mowed in 3 weeks it had to be done so I decided to do it right away before it got toooooo hot to do it.  Now, my yard is the size of a postage stamp, but since I had it fenced in I am responsible for cutting it.  My co-worker has been cutting it for me since the beginning of spring but I fell like I should be able to do it.  So, I did it 3 wks ago and again this morning!!  (Me and every neighbor that has to cut their grass). It only takes 30 minutes to cut it so I was done at 9:30.  Rosco is soooo excited that his privates aren't getting tickled when he goes out any more.   

So I have accomplished that and now I'm half dead on the couch.  I want to sleep.  But..today is get the nails done  Its one treat I allow myself every two weeks.  I wonder, can I fall asleep getting them done?  Customers laugh at me because I have sweaters, and heavy socks on to help with my neuropathy and the fact that I'm cold as hell half the time.  They keep those darn salons colder than dammit and if I get cold..........totally useless.  

After I get the nails done, I'll go get Rosco a pool and get some food for dinner.  Although I don't feel like eating now, I will then.  I figure when I feel like eatingl..I'd better.   Last night I fixed rice with edamame (sp) in it.  It was so good but......Rosco absolutely adored it.  He ate what I couldn't and cleaned the bowl.  Finally something that might be good for him that he likes.  So, I'll get plenty of them at the store.   He needs a diet.  

What are you doing today?  Where is football season?  Since the Cubs stink I'm not feeling like watching them stink.  I've done enough of that in my life.  I guess I'll find some movies and watch them.  100 deg is too hot to go out.   

Happy Saturday everyone!!!

From my old apartment.    

Doing OK

I woke up Sunday feeling a lot better.  I got some stuff done around the house before I got too tired....Monday felt pretty good too but my BP was quite low.  Chicken soup for lunch brought it back up so I was ok. 

I tested my BP Tuesday am and it was 147/78 so I took my BP pills.  After lunch it was osco92/70..I started feeling a little puny so I made an appt in the am for IV's.   That usually helps me feel better.  Lets hope so.

I've got plenty of tomatoes growing now.  All I need is for them to get bigger and red so I can try them.  I'm so excited about this.  I may make plans for a small garden next spring.  Or maybe a pot(so to speak) garden.  I'm going to get some pots etc on sale this week to get ready for next spring.  

I had a long talk with my sister on Sunday evening and it helped me and my depressed attitude wonders.  It was so much fun and we laughed and picked on each other and it was so wonderful.  I love it when she calls me.  We've been thru a lot together and its wonderful that we can still have a ball together.  

Got my hair cut this weekend.  Its quite short but I'm loving the ease of it.  I love my hairdresser and he's a real support to me with all I'm having done to me right now.  He told me if I ran out of milk again to call him and he'll run to the store and get it...What a doll.  

I'm looking at the 8 day forecast.  We don't get out of the 90's for the whole 8 days!!!  The one good thing about my being cold all the time is my electric bill is nice and low during this hot summer.  

Have a great evening everyone.   Rosco say's hi too!!!  He's a beauty..

In his favorite place on the earth!!! 

It wasn't a hard hit...really

Or so the Dr said.  This has been a dreadful week.  I don't know how to explain it but as soon as it began Tuesday it was bad and got worse.  I was so dizzy that walking was difficult.  They cut back on the Oxi stuff that makes me cold but although the side effects were less they were still there.  The depression is still there and the dizziness made it worse.  I just wanted to crawl into a hole and stay there...Instead...I fainted (I think) and banged my head into the concrete floor!.  What a pain, literally.   I went to the clinic, they did a CT of my head and said I just had a hard hit.  What a relief considering my history.  Having had an aneurysm scared the devil out of me.  This particular treatment has kept me asleep for almost every minute of every day.  I dozed off a few times at my desk on Wed, and Thursday.  I've never done that in my life. Even in the days of drunken partying...My BP has been very low, my appetite is still gone.  Nothing but Cherries and Cheerios tastes good.  

I know I should be in a good mood and fighting this with all I have, and I am fighting it....just not the mood.  This damn depression is a hard one to kick.  I have asked for some meds to help me but evidently you have to take them for a while to kick in.   The really good is....7 more treatments...thats all....and its been 10 weeks since I started.  I can't believe its been that long.  I can make it but I have no doubt that some of the weeks will be bad and some better...............Thanks for listening.   

7 to go..............Sounds good doesn't it

They cut down on the medicine that has been giving me a horrible time and it seems to have helped.  Don't think that its all good, I still have trouble drinking and touching really, really cold stuff but right around room temp or a little cooler works ok.   

I asked for some meds today to help me with some issues and the damned insurance co want's further approval information.  Don't be surprised if your insurance co doesn't care if a medication was called in by your Dr.  For your handling of Cancer is not an authorization. F*c*ers.  

I did tell the nurse about my weight loss.  She's going to talk to the DR.  She want's him to know that when he's assigning doses of meds.  Two days ago I had lost 24 lbs.  Some people think its too much but for my ideal weight I'll need to lost 15 more and maybe I'll look ok but...I do want to be sure there isn't something inside that's causing that....I go back Thursday to have my "little buddy" removed so I guess I'll find out then.

Watching Rissoli & Isles (taped) right now.  My daughter said she liked it and we sometimes to like the same TV shows.

Have a great Tuesday everyone.

Wednesday...even

if I've thought it was Tuesday all day.   Went and got IV fluids this morning.  I'm hoping that it helps the next few days.  I'm going to a "everyone's birthday" part on Sat afternoon and I so want to feel good.  

I've also taken Friday off this week.  Yes, I've taken one vacation day and have nothing to do.  I may sleep all day, whatever but.....I will enjoy.  Its just time for me to have a day off and right away.   Hope I don't need it again but I'll enjoy it this weekend!!!

July 5th and not working!!!

Well actually I am working around the house but not at the job so to speak.  Paid holiday and I am enjoying it.  

Rosco and I slept until 10 am.  Between the fireworks and steam cleaning the carpet last night we were both exhausted.  I'm still tired but glad I accomplished  what I set out to do.  I now have laundry for today.  

I also have a pork roast I was supposed to eat last night (wasn't hungry) and scallops that were going to be tonights dinner.  All is thawed and ready to be cooked. Anyone want to come for dinner?  What in the sam hill ever made me think I'd eat that food?  I've lost 21 lbs..doesn't that say something about my appetite?  Oh yeah, it may say something about the taste of wine totally turns me off so my alcohol consumption is just about zero...

What ever, I'm enjoying size 10.  I haven't worn a 10 since 1 year after the birth of Zoot!!  I also feel that my body will rally back when all this chemo is over so I'm not throwing away the large clothes!!

Have a nice day everyone and neighbor.......NO FIREWORKS ARE NEEDED TONIGHT!!!!!

 

Lessons learned

• Dog hates the mop....He's barking his head off as I mop the bathroom floor.  
• When you're using spray paint...make sure the spray end is NOT pointed against your hand...Especially when you have nothing to take it off.  (Any ideas?)  Oh yeah, the paint was red gloss.  It matches my fingernails.
• When I move, as in from sitting to standing, standing to walking I get so damned dizzy I have to hold onto something.  This one is totally new, but rather impedes putting steamer together.
• If you, as in me, plant a new shrub the dog only sees "hole to dig"...Swatting him on his little nose....didn't even rate a look at me.  I'd better go get the newspaper.  
• Fresh cherries are the most wonderful thing on the planet.  I had no idea.  If I could figure out how to make a cherry milkshake I would.   
• I bought grape tomatoes since my plants are non producing at this point.
• I found something in the freezer that was marinating ...Something marinating in something.  I'm thawing it out to have it tonight.  
• Now off to that damn steamer again.  I've painted and mopped now I must tackle the rug.  Pray for me 
   

Happy Birthday USA!!!

I've had a wonderful start to my day.  One of my sisters called and we had a wonderfully long conversation and I loved every minute of it.  Now I'm inspired to steam my carpets.  Thats all I had planned anyway.  I just have to keep Rosco from barking at the damn thing.  He runs back and forth like he's going to kill it.  Hell, its still in pieces in the hall.  Wait til I get the damn thing put together and turn it on!!!

To all the neighbors who felt the urge last night to shoot off thousands of fireworks....IT WAS ONLY THE FREAKING 3RD!!!!!  My poor doggie about had a breakdown and it was so close to my house I was getting concerned myself.  I need to see if I can find Rosco's valium and give it to him.  If I can't find that I'll give him Benadryl.  He was so scared last night.  Shaking like a leaf and hiding in my lap.  (He thought he was invisible!) 

Today is the usual for me but I've taken the medicine and I'll be fine when it kicks in.  Remodel my house is in my plans.   New area rugs etc.  After I clean the regular carpet.  

Have a good/safe day everyone.  TODAY IS THE FOURTH!!! (not tomorrow).  

Got it!!

I went to Walmart and got the steam cleaner.  Put it in the car since I couldn't see in front of my cart and no one seemed to notice me.  I nearly creamed a few people.!! (some needed it)

So, I'm going back in for some groceries.  We won't discuss what I got but....I went to the Dairy dept to get milk.  Opened the refrigeration area for the milk and it started.  The neuropathy in my hands.  OMG I couldn't use my fingers for anything. How rather embarrassing .  Of course I didn't stop and bought cold items, frozen items but it didn't matter.  The neuropathy kept up the whole time I was in the store.  Even when I went to the clothing dept.  It didn't stop.  Once I got outside where it was warm it started to improve and was ok when I got home.  I've just never been that disabled and it was scary.  Mercifully the girl at the check out realized something was wrong and helped me but goodness what an ordeal.  

I've talked to the nurse at the chemo office about talking to the DR about cutting the meds back that cause that.  They're going to have to because its really effecting my job and if they want to get paid......they need to make sure I can do my job!!

Rosco and I are having Kelbasa tonight.  We're going to watch the Daytona Race and maybe steam clean the carpet.  Did anyone watch the Daytona race last night?   Yeah Little E.   He finally won a race and in the 3 car to beat it all.  I loved it!!

Have a safe holiday everyone!!

 

4 DOWN, 8 TO GO!!

Well, I had the treatment on Tuesday.  Its been rather difficult this time.  Especially yesterday and last night.  I've had some issues with neuropathy really bad this time too.  At one point last night I couldn't even walk, then all of a sudden I was struck nearly frozen.  You should have seen me looking for blankets to cover me up.  Rosco thought I was nuts but got really close in case I needed him.

He licks my pump spot.  Especially when the pump is hooked up.  He knows its not supposed to be there but he's gentle and licks and rests his head on it.  That hurts!! bless his little heart.

Today is a bit better but the fingers and just plain cold was annoying.  I guess I'm luck its summer time.  God only know what my heat would be set on if it was in the winter.  

Do you care about the NBA free agency?  I don't but its all over ESPN. Its driving me nuts so I've just started DVR'ing all kinds of shows to watch. I go to bed early so I have some good back ups but sometimes they stink too.

I'm going to get the pump out tomorrow and hopefully they'll have room for me to get an IV of liquids to help me enjoy the weekend.  If it works. 

I'll let you know

Not the best weekend

I had a pretty good week last week, until Friday.  I collapsed with exhaustion Friday afternoon and was rendered useless the balance of the weekend.  I still feel bad but  I did go to work.  Tomorrow is my next treatment.  Another one down is a good thought.  

I know my daughter moved this weekend.  Evidently she doesn't have internet access.  The few blips I saw were done on her phone.  I'm thinking it was a success and we'll see pictures as soon as she can get them posted.

I wish I had something wonderful to report.  Just that I'm doing ok but I've stayed home so I haven't done anything.  

Have a good few days.  I'll post again ..

TGIT

At least tomorrow is Friday.  I'm doing pretty good right now.  There isn't anything going on that I can't handle right now, and really don't have any complaints.  I did lose 4 lbs more, and I'm not sure that's good BUT..my appetite is back at least for today..  I've eaten so much today I'm not sure what I've done.  I'm still hungry and believe me...I have eaten today.  A bowl of Cheerios is sounding so very good.  I may have to indulge.  

Have you noticed there is nothing on TV in the summer.  Of course there is USA as in...Royal Pains.  I love that show.  Its on too late to watch tonight so I DVR it and watch it over the weekend when there truly isn't anything on TV.  I'm glad Design Star is on but I sure don't like it with Vern kind of running it.  I'd much rather have Clive back. Vern is starting to get on my very last nerve.  

Of course I watch the Food Network Star show, and Top Chef and my other incredible favorite is "Lie to Me".  That's a total of 5 shows.  Anyone have any other ideas? 

Well, I don't have anything really exciting to report.  It's hotter than dammit still but they're saying we may see the 80's next week.  Cheerio's here I come!!

Good Tuesday

I started out today with IV liquids first thing.  Oh yeah, diarrhea first but then the liquids.  I feel pretty good today.  really.  I hope this continues the entire week until next week.  The neuropathy is still around and at one time today both hands were basically un usable. but, I'll talk to them about it for the next treatment and see if we can cut it down just a tad.  Oh yeah, and it started on the feet today.  What an odd sensation.

It is hotter than dammit here.  I just thought I'd share that with you.  YES I do know I'm not the only person living in 94 degree weather but I've been freezing so much lately its odd  being hot.  

Have a great Tuesday everyone and I'm hoping for a good Wednesday too!!

 

Bad Saturday

Woke up with dreadful diarrhea.  Did the same yesterday.  Taking Lomotil(sp) but its not working real well.  

Lesson learned...I went to Walmart today to do some shopping.  Didn't feel very good but I needed some things.  The neuralgia is awful and sudden today.  One minute its there the next its gone.   I refuse to wear gloves out in the dead of summer though and I also decided to wear sandals to walmart.  Not sneakers and socks.  Everything is fine, I'm picking up frozen/cold stuff by the corners and flicking them into the cart BUT....big ol' dummy here opens the freezer to get strawberries.....The freezer I said..And have you ever noticed where the freezing air goes when you open the store freezers?  DOWN and surrounding your NAKED feet!!!   Needles, needles everywhere!!!  I'm trying so hard to hide the fact that between my fingers and feet I'm being pricked by millions of needles.  Good God it was dreadful.  I'm pretty sure the look on my face gave it away.   What a trip.  My feet are safe and in my slippers here at the house.

I'm more tired than I have ever been the past two days.  I nearly fell asleep at work yesterday, came home last night, was in bed by 8:30 and woke up even more tired this morning.  Not sure where all that's coming from but I do need some energy.  Coffee didn't help....Of course I cant drink anything really cold or my throat tries to swell.  I'm going to get some fluids Monday or Tuesday and see if it will help.  

I'm watching the Barefoot Contessa right now.....c'mon Golf...I'm not really fond of the Contessa....

Oh yeah, I'm going to highlight my hair this weekend (if I get energy)  wish me luck!!!

Free from little buddy again

Goodness I had to have that pouch with me until about 10 am this morning.  It was particularly annoying today.  I'm not sure why but it was.  When I went to have the pump removed, they went ahead and gave me some IV fluids, but evidently I didn't need anymore magnesium. Wonder what other metals are in the ol' body that I didn't know about!!!.  I fell asleep while having the IV, I kinda wish it had lasted a little longer.  That was a good little sleep!!  I'm trying to stay awake tonight until at least dusk.  I don't really want to go to bed with the sun shining through my bedroom windows..!!

I will say the neuralgia/neuropathy is particularly bad right now.  I learned, don't walk into the kitchen (tiled) in barefeet in the morning.  Boy howdy that will wake you up!! Imagine stepping on hundreds of pins sticking straight up from the floor, and then dancing around because you don't know what to do!!  Then the fingers..OMG they're worse than the feet and it doesn't need cold to set it off.  Tonight when I was driving home from work it just plain started.  It was hard to hold the steering wheel.  I've read that B12 might help ..I may get that but...has to be little pills.  I can not swallow the big pills i.e., calcium.  Won't go down.  

I'm doing ok.  You know, a few pains and aches but really not so bad yet.  I'm going to go back for fluids on Tuesday am and hope it helps me through next week.  Drinking liquids is also difficult.  Its hard to keep hydrated so the IV's help.  

Did anyone watch that National Geographic thing about what would happen to this planet if all of a sudden all of the people on this planet disappeared?  I did and it is stuck in my brain right now.  It just gave you a lot to think about and understand what we are doing to this planet and what would happen if we stopped.  I found it fascinating.  

One more thing before this evening continues....GO CELTICS!!!!!!

Unexpected surprise & 9 to go!!!

I had a treatment today.  That means I only have 9 left.  Its such a smaller number than 12 don't ya think?

I got the bestest, most unexpected phone call today.  I'm back and work, and I'm kinda loopy. The day of the treatment always makes me loopy.  Kinda drunk, non focusing on anything important.  But I'm ok, just loopy.  So the phone rings and its the gastrointestinal Dr that I haven't seen since my colonoscopy.  He sent me to the surgeon and I figured I wouldn't see him until next years colonoscopy. He says "Hi Linda how are you, this is Dr so and so and I'm calling to see how you're doing.  How was the surgery, whats going on now.  I told him about the chemo, he wanted to know if it had spread or was it preventative?  He then mentioned some little spots on my lungs.  They've been there and since they told me I had asthma.  The Pulmonary Dr said she thought they were nothing, but has done a CT every year since them.  I had the CT done, the same time I did the abdominal CT.  I just haven't made the appt to take the ct scan for my yearly budget.  It kinda faded into the background what with the colon cancer etc.  Anyway, Dr Gastro asked me for Dr Pulmonary's Name etc.  He's going to call her and make sure they're following up on it.  That has me a little nervous, but I refuse to think about it right now..call me Tara.  BUT.  are you believing that the Dr Gastro called after all of this time??? To check on me?  I think I love him.  I know my girlfriend and I both liked him a lot but expecting a follow up nearly 3 months later, to me is amazing and its nice to know I have on Dr who actually might care.............what a treat!!!!!

Sunday Again

Here I am everyone.  I had such a dreadful week and I didn't want to whine any more that I already have.  And, I have nothing but cancer/chemo totally taking over my life.  

Like next week, July 15th I'll go for my third treatment. I had a few issues the 2nd treatment day.  They gave me some fluids on the Thursday of week 2.  It helped me have a very nice weekend BUT, the week after the treatments are awful.  I hurt so much all last week.  I mean my whole body ached each and every day, all day. And...I was so tired last week. Two nights last week I came home from work and was in bed asleep by 8:30, and when I woke up..exhausted. 

Everything else is going ok. Rosco is his usual self.  I'm trying very hard to teach him not to bark at the passing neighbors.  Its not that it may bother them.  IT DRIVES ME CRAZY!!!!

I did get some stuff that I have been meaning to do for weeks.  I got tomato plants about 4 weeks ago.  So today they got new homes.  One is in the upside down thingy, one is in a hanging basket ( I may need to get another for this one!!) and the third one is in and bug plastic pot that I had.  The flowers that were in it died.  I won't buy any plants from Krogers,. When ever I buy a plant from them...Its dead in days  PSST..don't tell me it might be me or I'll start sulking. :-)

I also cleared out one big Kitchen cabinet and put stuff I use in its.  Moved the other stuff to the garage.  Also, tons of laundry.  When I have days that are good...I try to get as much done as I can and today was pretty good!!!

Go Celtics!!!

Happy Sunday...

Well, Friday went ok. I kept the diarrhea meds in me all day and was ok.  Went out Friday night and had such a nice time.  I needed that!!!  

I still had issues with leg cramps though.  I wondered on Friday AM if it was the sketchers shoes.  I usually wear them every other day at least.  Well, since it was the Memorial Day weekend (3 days, no work) I didn't wear them for those 3 days and Tuesday or Wed.  That's when the cramps started.  So, in my brilliance, Friday am I put on the Sketchers "Shape Ups".  My legs haven't bothered me since.  How odd is that!! All I need now is for the damn shoes to shape up my bod!!!   I'm also battling with the neuralgia.  Its so odd.  Sometimes I'm just walking through the house and my left hand will go nuts.  Feels like a pin cushion.  I'm keeping the gloves right next to the refrigerator, I also keep tongs right there in case I need an ice cube.  

I'm going to try Ribs again tonight.  But..I'm using country style ribs rather than baby back.  I'm going to put them in the crock pot for a while and them grill them.  Problem might be that its raining right now.  Its not shaping up to be a beautiful Sunday.  

Oh yeah.  I still want a convertible.  I may have to start buying lotto tickets.  I saw a BMW Friday night that, had it been red......................'nuf said

Thursday..I want ice

Ok, sent my little buddy packing today.  Pump free!!  I had to stay for fluids today because I'm having bad leg cramps.  I mean bad enough that I can't walk.  My BP was also 180/100+.  I didn't take my BP meds because on Tuesday one of the nurses suggested I stop my BP meds for a day or two and see if the dizzy had stopped.  Well, it stopped but my BP tried to kill me!!  Its always something.  SO..I went home and got my BP and took it, stopped and got a BP Cuff, went to work and took diarrhea medicine.  So far so good.  I'm a walking medical nightmare but my bp is back to 125/84.  I won't stop taking my meds anymore even for a day or two. 

So far, treatment two isn't quite bad really.  I know it sounds like it does but I can't complain yet.  Everything is under control.  Tomorrow is the day that was so bad after treatment one.  We'll see how that shapes up.  Oh yeah, I can complain about one thing that is driving me nuts.  This damned neuralgia (sp) . The reaction to cold.  ROOM TEMPERATURE DRINKS DO NOT QUENCH THIRST....NOPEY NOT ONE BIT...BUT.  if you're me and you pick up a bottle of vitamin water that you think is not too cold....the needles that start at the lips and go straight down your throat will inform you that it was way too cold!!!   Yep, I'm going to be thirsty until this passes.  Hopefully very soon.   hehehe...

Rosco is furious at me by the way.  I came home last night very tired.  I didn't do much, sat on the couch around 7 pulled over the lap top and....woke up at 11:00 PM. went to my bed and got up at 6:30 am.  He wasn't happy with his very tired Mom but mom felt pretty good this morning.  Too bad I can't sleep that much every day.!!!

Oh yeah, and I haven't bought a convertible yet.  Went back to french nails but I may be getting in the mood for hot pink..

Keep you posted about tomorrow and how its going.   

Two down, 10 to go...

Had second chemo treatment today. I'm now attached to my "little buddy" until Thursday morning.  They cut back on the 5FU due to the 4 days of diarrhea.  We'll see how my reaction will be after they disconnect the pump.  If reaction goes the same as the 1st treatment, I'll be very under the weather on Friday.  

The neuralgia is back with on hell of a vengeance.  I didn't think and took a sip of iced tea while I was driving back to work.  Nearly killed myself.  I now have to wear gloves when I reach into the refrigerator.  When I got back to work, I sounded like a duck.  I made a cup of hot tea and that helped it and took away the "duck" voice...    quack, quack.

Of course I have no idea why my fingers couldn't hold on the strawberry, but I just at a bowl on sliced strawberried, bananas, blue berries and yogurt .  I'm prepared for some days being a bit rough, some worse and some relatively easy.

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend.  Rosco and I did.  It was pretty warm today but,of course the rainshower got it down to 75. Its very pleasant here right now.

Hell's Kitchen started tonight.  Thats good. I love it when Chef shows me how not to act when I'm  mad. I vent through him 
Life is good....Keep that in mind  

What a nice day!!!

No, I didn't do anything I had planned.  Well, some of it but as far as deep cleaning etc.. PFFT.  I put on some ribs early today.  Let them simmer for a bit of a while.  about 2 hrs. Then I made barbecue sauce.  I used 1 bottle of  Jack Daniels No 7 sauce, and 1 can of Cambpell's French Onion Soup, honey, mustard, and a little red wine.  I was surprised how good it was.  I also cooked up an ear of corn, which was tough as hell but tasted good.  After Rosco and I ate that I am now sitting here with a vanilla milkshake, with a tiny bit of chocolate syrup in it.  It is wonderful.  Now I'm watching the Coca Cola 600 and sippin' on my shake.  I've got a fire going outside in the chimmy thingy and the blue lights on.  This is one of the best days I've had in a few weeks.  

Hope you all had a marvelous holiday and we must remember exactly why we're celebrating this day !!!!  So many to remember, God bless them

I feel like such a baby

This week sucks.  I woke up Sat w/ diarrhea, stomach cramps etc and it lasted until Tuesday.  The Dr finally called in a prescription med to help stop it.  I lost 7 lbs between Sat am and Monday am.  The medicine helped but yesterday I was so dizzy I could barely function.  I felt awful and at times had a hard time focusing. Blurred vision (and I'm still having a little bit of that today) and wiped out.  

Today I woke up and just plain couldn't do it.  I called in work and stayed home today.  I'm hoping that the rest will perk me up for the rest of the week.  I guess I mistakenly thought this week would be ok since I wasn't having any more chemo this week.  WRONG.  I did better last week on the pump.  I fixed a ham and cheese omelet this morning and my stomach is killing me.

I'm depressed and its only been one week.  How bad is this going to get?  Lets hope the Dr will decrease the dosage of something to help me with this.  I need to know how to build up my strength too.  I'm determined to fight this but goodness I'm going to need some help.  

Oh yeah, frozen/cold things are still bothering my hands.  I guess I thought I would be gone by this time.  Its not bothering me when I drink cold but my left hand doesn't like one bit of anything in the refrigerator!!!

On another note I've been watching the "top kill" efforts today.  I'm finding it fascinating but there is still not word about its effect.  It will be a few hours before they know anything.  I hate what this is doing to our Gulf Coast.  The awful crap in our water is killing all kinds of fish, eels, dolphins etc.  They can not survive with that sludge in the water.  Maybe I don't have it so bad....at least mine will end, hopefully.  

So much for ..

not so bad.  I got up yesterday with diarrhea and nausea.  I couldn't do anything but sit here and be miserable. I slept a lot but that didn't help.  I knew there would be issues, i.e. nausea and diarrhea and I guess I knew there would be pain but I guess I wasn't ready for it to be this bad.  What scares me is its supposed to get worse..I don't have the time to take off of work. I have to go to work and believe me, I wouldn't have been able to work Saturday.  I don't know how long this is supposed to last (probably 6 mos) but right now I'm useless.  

Today isn't too bad.  My stomach is crazy.  If I didn't know that I had my gall bladder taken out I'd say that's what bothering me.  

I found a colon cancer message board and started reading it.  It scared the sh*t out of me. All of the posts are stories of chemo that isn't working or how many times people have had this treatment and now I want to do is cry.  I'm thinking I won't go back there.  Not until I have a grip on my treatment.  I can't eat.  The thought of swallowing makes me nauseous..  I made a scrambled egg and gave most of it to Rosco.  I bought some Ensure to make sure I get stuff in me that I need.  I'm hoping the appetite will come back.  I had no problem eating last week so I'm hoping that this will get better.  

I'll be okay I'm sure but I'm not internet surfing for any more information.  I'll just pay attention to the people I know who have gone through this. 

I did go to the store this morning to get myself some things to eat, should the urge come back.  As usual Rosco doesn't like the treat I brought back for him.  Little snot.  Oh yeah, and I got my laundry done.  After that my house looks like crap.  I just don't have it in me to dust,clean etc.  Please tell me this will get easier or I'll learn to cope with it.  

I'll beat this, I swear. Its just going to be a bit harder than I had hoped.   

Happy Saturday

Well, yesterday was ok.  I was tired but did fine at work etc. I actually went out last night with some friends.  I wasn't what you would call the "party animal" but I had a good time and was home around 8.  Rosco and I went to bed right after I got home.  

Today is not a good day.  Between Imodium and Phenergan I don't know whats going on.  This isn't a great day ahead.

Later

Good Thursday

I know its just day two but after all the horrible stories I've heard about chemo, I was expecting much worse.  Don't get me wrong, it probably won't be this good the more treatments I get and I'm ready for it.  BUT maybe not too bad so I'm holding out for not much worse than this is.

I got up this morning and as I was leaving my fingers began tingling.  It kind of felt like something under my fingernails was trying to push them out of my fingers.  It lasted about 15 minutes, went away and hasn't come back.  I can say this, I didn't touch anything cold at the time but I had opened the refrigerator and if that was a reaction to cold, I know I don't want it in my throat..Nopey.  I've been drinking room temperature iced tea.  Its tolerable but a hunk of ice would sure make it better!!

Tomorrow, I get my little buddy unhooked until next treatment.  Its really not too awful but carrying it around, can't get it wet, and remembering you're hooked to it etc.  I was looking forward to tomorrow with this removal but then a customer called, said I sounded good, but to remember day 3 is the worst.  Geeze, who the hell asked for that?  Not me.  So, I'm determined to be fine tomorrow if it hairlips Santa Clause.!!!!

Tonight I'm going to attempt to take a bath and not get the pump or the port wet.  I will also wash my hair in the sink.  It is now about to stick to my head.  This could be very, very interesting.  Maybe bath tonight...hair tomorrow am.  Might look better.

I'll take advice on anything unless you have something bad, depressing , or terrible that may come down the road.  I really don't need to know that.  I don't know anyone who reads me that would do that but just in case there is someone with an urge.  Cap it!!

One down...

Well here I am at home.  It went pretty well so far.  I got there at 8:30 and they took me to the room at 8:45.  They did lab work, and started a nausea IV.  After about 15 mins they started two of the meds.  They ran for about 2-2-1/2 hours. It wasn't bad at all.  

The next step was the "pump".  It was full of 5-fu meds and thats what will be slowly pumping into my system.  Port and pump are ok.  Hauling the pump around is rather annoying. I suppose I'll adjust to that in time.  I only have to wear it for 2 days , go back and have it taken off until the next treatement  6/3

I know this is a whining but.. No TV, and no WI-FI.  eek.  I sent Kat home around 11. After all its her day off and I was fine. AND. It was freaking freezing in the Dr's office. I'll have to find a light weight blanket and a small pillow to take.  I tried to go to sleep but that wasn't happening either.  I'm thinking the more I get into this I'll relax and be able to take a nap.  I may have figured out a way to get on the internet when I get there.  I just need to check on plans , prices etc.  I'd only need it for 6 months.  

I don't feel any real nausea, I guess you could call it uneasy tummy..  I'm not really hungry.  I do have nausea tablets that I have to take tomorrow and Friday.  They're expensive too!! Well, not as expensive if I didn't have insurance.  I've got 4 pills (through 2 treatments) for $25.00 Thats not too bad.  I cant remember the name of it.  Believe me, I'll let you know if it doesn't work!!

One more thing...The mammogram that I had Monday of this week, showed a nodule in my right breast.  I have to go back for a repeat mammogram on that side.  I can not work myself into anything of that. Just not right now, I've got the colon to deal with, so I'll start worrying about it sometime next week.  It, the repeat, was originally scheduled for tomorrow but my oncologist changed it to next week.  I can't have the mammogram with needles stuck in the pump!!!  After thought about that I'm totally agreeing.

So that's how today went.  It wasn't as bad as I feared .Tomorrow may be different or may be fine.  

Thank you all for your comments etc.  It makes my day to read them. 

TGIF????-cooking advice please

See, with today being Friday it means I'm going back to work on Monday.  I'm actually thrilled to be going back and from what I understand....I'm not supposed to feel that way   It probably will pass in a week or so, but this staying home all day is causing me angst!!  Like that word? Angst....Wonder where it came from.  Certainly not my daily vocabulary, I can tell you that.

Ok, so I am cooking a Quiche right now.  I'm planning on putting it in individual servings to take to work with me next week.  Standing in the kitchen cutting and chopping and mixing has caused havoc with my back.  I guess the sudden standing for a long time wears on you.(me).  Thank goodness my job is a desk job.  I can stand up and sit down as needed. Sitting down is the preferred method!!

I'm also marinating a pork roast.  I may put it in the freezer and let it marinade but I'm thinking the last time I did that it tasted like crap,.   Its marinating in Balsamic vinegar, Olive Oil, Garllic and Emeril's Essence.  It was supposed to be used or frozen by today.  Is marinating considered "using".  If I leave it marinating for a day, do you think it'll be ok or should I freeze it just to be safe?  Pork is funny.  I sure would appreciate any advice so I don't ruin it.  I probably should have frozen it when I bought it.  Which was yesterday.  

Wednesday......

I'm tired today but feel better.  We did plenty yesterday to keep me going and now I'm exhausted.  My son left about an hour ago.  I can't stop crying.  I feel so darned alone right now.  I really can't wait for Rosco to come home.  Zoot is bringing him home Saturday which seems so far away right now.  Today is the first one that I've been totally alone as far as family and I'm very sad. 

I'm going to the "regular" Dr tomorrow to discuss the low potassium levels and see if they have improved.  I also need to get regular prescription re-filled.  My wardrobe will be limited until I can stand regular pants around my waist.  We still have very tender belly, just in general.  I must remember when Rosco gets here to grab a pillow before he lands!!!

You know, there isn't a darned thing on TV if you don't watch soap operas and I haven't done that in ages.  I'm watching HGTV right now and the show is called "From the ground up".  I think I hate it.  I may have to try Food Channel.  Or...just go to sleep. 

Well, thats my day so far.  Just movin' along trying to figure out a lot of stuff...........

Better each day

Yesterday wasn't such a good day.  I was nearly convinced that I should use short term disability and take a few more weeks off, but...today I felt much better.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not wonderful, just better.  I just can't imagine staying here for weeks etc not going to work.  Unless I try really hard and maybe it doesn't sound so bad!!!.  

I'm not so sure how I feel about the cancer.  Since I really don't know the "whole" story yet I guess I'm still holding off on facing reality.  I know this disease is evil and senseless but I guess I have to know where I am, where I'm going and how to get there.  I'm going to the surgeon on Monday for the removal of "staples" and the get referred to an Oncologist.  After I see the Oncologist, I'm going to assume I'll have an idea of what is down the road and  how its going to be handled.  I will probably be more confused than I am now.  

My son and I have accomplished some things.  Well, Son did.  I "helped" best I could.  Yesterday he cut and trimmed the grass in the back yard, helped me throw stuff away and get the yard ready for summer.  It looks wonderful.  Today we did grocery shopping and put all the Christmas stuff in the garage..in the attic.  You should have seen him get the big tree up there.  

We then went back to Walmart and got some sand, pebbles and topsoil to try to discourage Rosco from trying to dig to China when he gets back.  (I can not wait for my doggie to be back, I miss him so....) Son did that this afternoon too so we've accomplished everything that needed doing.  He's leaving tomorrow afternoon.  I will be so sad to see him go.  This visit has been wonderful and I'll be sorry to see it end.  

Its cold here.  Its 49 degrees here right now and going to get colder tonight.  We'll be close to frost.  I'm actually putting the heat on since I'm miserable.  One day won't bankrupt me doggonnit.  

This one is hard

I'm home.  Discharged Friday.  I'm not feeling worse but this took a lot out of me.  I guess I should know that 9 days in the hospital after surgery will take a big ol' toll out of anyone and..since I'm not 35 any more its a bigger toll.  I was in a lot of pain yesterday.  I'm sure it was because I had moved around on Friday more than any other day.  I'm tired today.  Very very tired.  but....I did sleep until 10 am.  I didn't go to bed until 2 am but I did go to sleep and sleep well.  I think I'll probably take a few naps today.  

Xzhibit and his friend came by and brought me dinner last night.  It was from Carrabas.  It may have been a bit too rich for me but I sure loved eating it!!!  I probably should have left the Caesar Salad alone.  I'm thinking my innards weren't ready for raw veggies.  

The surgery....Well it wasn't a laparscopy (sp) .  They started out wanting to do it that way BUT...the tumor was bigger than they thought.  It had spread into my bladder so they had to cut it out of that area too.  They tested 24 lymph nodes and found cancer in1.  1 is better than 2 but not as good as 0.  So, I have numerous scars and staples holding me together.  Bikini hell..there will never be a 2 pc bathing suit on this old body.!!!

Let me tell you something about drains...You know, those things that hang off your hip filling up and being drained a few times a day.  Rather unappealing I'll say and rather a nuisance.  Well, when they decided to remove the drain I was thrilled.  I had heard that the drain removal was very uncomfortable at best.  It wasn't too bad as they were removing it.  There was one small glitch that caused me to wince but that was all.  Out it came.  So here I am thinking how "not too bad" that was when all of a sudden the path of the drain felt like it was on fire.  OMG the pain was awful.  It lasted nearly 45 minutes.  I think if I ever have one removed again, I'll make sure that I've had a good dose of pain medication before they start!!!

I have a follow up appt next week with the surgeon.  He'll take out the staples and refer me to an Oncologist.  I'm probably going to have to have chemo.  How do I feel about that? Terrified.  I've heard so many different stories about chemo etc that this not knowing, and having to wait is difficult.  Of course it was my decision..  I could have had the referral in the hospital and chose to wait. I just couldn't have dealt with it.  

So there I am. Here alone, missing my doggie so much.  He's with Zoot.  I spoke with her this morning and she says he's doing fine.  He has charmed himself into sleeping with Zoot and Mr Z when LilZ isn't there.   I have this huge space in my bed that is just screaming "Rosco" all night long.  Zoot is bringing him back on Friday or Saturday.  I can't wait...

Today is beautiful.  I think I'll just lay down, enjoy the weather and watch racing.  After all, I have to recover from this procedure so I can get ready for the next.  

 

I'm Home!!!

I apologize a million times for not posting anything at all about this past week but to be honest I didn't want to post anything, I just didn't have it in me and ..when I tried to get the computer to work, of course it wouldn't.

I don't know what I'd have done without Kim to help, I home now and she is hopefully safely on her way home. 

I'm going to sleep for a while.  Maybe days.  I have pain pills and potassium (don't ask about that!) and I'll fill you in but I just wanted to Fill you in

The day before

Well, one dose down and 2-3 more.  I love "cleaning" the colon out for tests or surgery. I'm due for a huge dose of Miralax so I'm coloring my hair right this second.  Of course I don't have my glasses on so if there is something screwy its just because I can't see the screen worth a damn.  

I'm trying to keep very busy so I don't have to dwell on what tomorrow is.  If I get to thinking about it I can really get myself worked into a real fit.  You know, the terror etc.  Of course my plan is for a very smooth procedure etc and outcome.  That's my plan and I have to keep focusing on that.  Any other possibility is not allowed in my brain.  Hence, keep busy ...don't think. 

I have a Kindle.  I've wanted one forever but couldn't see spending the money.  But, when I came into a little more money.............I got it and I'm loving it.  I'm trying not to pick it up today or I won't get a darned thing done...Any recommendations on good mystery, detective books are welcome.   

Time to rinse.   Say  a little prayer for me tomorrow ok?

Hooray!!!!

Zoot called.   That made me feel so wonderful.  She's been so terribly busy and hasn't had the time but she did this morning.   Now I can relax a bit.  She will be here the day of my surgery.  She can't get here until after I go to surgery but...She'll be here when I wake up and that's so wonderful.

The other thing is Rosco.  She is going back home on Thursday and taking Rosco with her and he can stay as long as I need him to.  How wonderful is that?!.  Shell be back over the weekend and depending on how I'm doing will determine whether Rosco comes back or not.

I told her my plan and she thinks its a good one.  If it looks like it will work that way (me going back to work in 1 week from surgery) she'll bring Rosco back.  A lot of it will determine which procedure the Dr is going to do.  Unfortunately we won't know what that is until he gets me on the table.    

I must go clean out the guest room etc and start laundry.  I'm feeling better today than I have in a long time....

Have a beautiful day everyone and thanks so much for the comments!!!