Empty Nest

It wasn't a hard hit...really

Or so the Dr said.  This has been a dreadful week.  I don't know how to explain it but as soon as it began Tuesday it was bad and got worse.  I was so dizzy that walking was difficult.  They cut back on the Oxi stuff that makes me cold but although the side effects were less they were still there.  The depression is still there and the dizziness made it worse.  I just wanted to crawl into a hole and stay there...Instead...I fainted (I think) and banged my head into the concrete floor!.  What a pain, literally.   I went to the clinic, they did a CT of my head and said I just had a hard hit.  What a relief considering my history.  Having had an aneurysm scared the devil out of me.  This particular treatment has kept me asleep for almost every minute of every day.  I dozed off a few times at my desk on Wed, and Thursday.  I've never done that in my life. Even in the days of drunken partying...My BP has been very low, my appetite is still gone.  Nothing but Cherries and Cheerios tastes good.  

I know I should be in a good mood and fighting this with all I have, and I am fighting it....just not the mood.  This damn depression is a hard one to kick.  I have asked for some meds to help me but evidently you have to take them for a while to kick in.   The really good is....7 more treatments...thats all....and its been 10 weeks since I started.  I can't believe its been that long.  I can make it but I have no doubt that some of the weeks will be bad and some better...............Thanks for listening.   

7 to go..............Sounds good doesn't it

They cut down on the medicine that has been giving me a horrible time and it seems to have helped.  Don't think that its all good, I still have trouble drinking and touching really, really cold stuff but right around room temp or a little cooler works ok.   

I asked for some meds today to help me with some issues and the damned insurance co want's further approval information.  Don't be surprised if your insurance co doesn't care if a medication was called in by your Dr.  For your handling of Cancer is not an authorization. F*c*ers.  

I did tell the nurse about my weight loss.  She's going to talk to the DR.  She want's him to know that when he's assigning doses of meds.  Two days ago I had lost 24 lbs.  Some people think its too much but for my ideal weight I'll need to lost 15 more and maybe I'll look ok but...I do want to be sure there isn't something inside that's causing that....I go back Thursday to have my "little buddy" removed so I guess I'll find out then.

Watching Rissoli & Isles (taped) right now.  My daughter said she liked it and we sometimes to like the same TV shows.

Have a great Tuesday everyone.

4 DOWN, 8 TO GO!!

Well, I had the treatment on Tuesday.  Its been rather difficult this time.  Especially yesterday and last night.  I've had some issues with neuropathy really bad this time too.  At one point last night I couldn't even walk, then all of a sudden I was struck nearly frozen.  You should have seen me looking for blankets to cover me up.  Rosco thought I was nuts but got really close in case I needed him.

He licks my pump spot.  Especially when the pump is hooked up.  He knows its not supposed to be there but he's gentle and licks and rests his head on it.  That hurts!! bless his little heart.

Today is a bit better but the fingers and just plain cold was annoying.  I guess I'm luck its summer time.  God only know what my heat would be set on if it was in the winter.  

Do you care about the NBA free agency?  I don't but its all over ESPN. Its driving me nuts so I've just started DVR'ing all kinds of shows to watch. I go to bed early so I have some good back ups but sometimes they stink too.

I'm going to get the pump out tomorrow and hopefully they'll have room for me to get an IV of liquids to help me enjoy the weekend.  If it works. 

I'll let you know

Not the best weekend

I had a pretty good week last week, until Friday.  I collapsed with exhaustion Friday afternoon and was rendered useless the balance of the weekend.  I still feel bad but  I did go to work.  Tomorrow is my next treatment.  Another one down is a good thought.  

I know my daughter moved this weekend.  Evidently she doesn't have internet access.  The few blips I saw were done on her phone.  I'm thinking it was a success and we'll see pictures as soon as she can get them posted.

I wish I had something wonderful to report.  Just that I'm doing ok but I've stayed home so I haven't done anything.  

Have a good few days.  I'll post again ..

TGIT

At least tomorrow is Friday.  I'm doing pretty good right now.  There isn't anything going on that I can't handle right now, and really don't have any complaints.  I did lose 4 lbs more, and I'm not sure that's good BUT..my appetite is back at least for today..  I've eaten so much today I'm not sure what I've done.  I'm still hungry and believe me...I have eaten today.  A bowl of Cheerios is sounding so very good.  I may have to indulge.  

Have you noticed there is nothing on TV in the summer.  Of course there is USA as in...Royal Pains.  I love that show.  Its on too late to watch tonight so I DVR it and watch it over the weekend when there truly isn't anything on TV.  I'm glad Design Star is on but I sure don't like it with Vern kind of running it.  I'd much rather have Clive back. Vern is starting to get on my very last nerve.  

Of course I watch the Food Network Star show, and Top Chef and my other incredible favorite is "Lie to Me".  That's a total of 5 shows.  Anyone have any other ideas? 

Well, I don't have anything really exciting to report.  It's hotter than dammit still but they're saying we may see the 80's next week.  Cheerio's here I come!!

Good Tuesday

I started out today with IV liquids first thing.  Oh yeah, diarrhea first but then the liquids.  I feel pretty good today.  really.  I hope this continues the entire week until next week.  The neuropathy is still around and at one time today both hands were basically un usable. but, I'll talk to them about it for the next treatment and see if we can cut it down just a tad.  Oh yeah, and it started on the feet today.  What an odd sensation.

It is hotter than dammit here.  I just thought I'd share that with you.  YES I do know I'm not the only person living in 94 degree weather but I've been freezing so much lately its odd  being hot.  

Have a great Tuesday everyone and I'm hoping for a good Wednesday too!!

 

Bad Saturday

Woke up with dreadful diarrhea.  Did the same yesterday.  Taking Lomotil(sp) but its not working real well.  

Lesson learned...I went to Walmart today to do some shopping.  Didn't feel very good but I needed some things.  The neuralgia is awful and sudden today.  One minute its there the next its gone.   I refuse to wear gloves out in the dead of summer though and I also decided to wear sandals to walmart.  Not sneakers and socks.  Everything is fine, I'm picking up frozen/cold stuff by the corners and flicking them into the cart BUT....big ol' dummy here opens the freezer to get strawberries.....The freezer I said..And have you ever noticed where the freezing air goes when you open the store freezers?  DOWN and surrounding your NAKED feet!!!   Needles, needles everywhere!!!  I'm trying so hard to hide the fact that between my fingers and feet I'm being pricked by millions of needles.  Good God it was dreadful.  I'm pretty sure the look on my face gave it away.   What a trip.  My feet are safe and in my slippers here at the house.

I'm more tired than I have ever been the past two days.  I nearly fell asleep at work yesterday, came home last night, was in bed by 8:30 and woke up even more tired this morning.  Not sure where all that's coming from but I do need some energy.  Coffee didn't help....Of course I cant drink anything really cold or my throat tries to swell.  I'm going to get some fluids Monday or Tuesday and see if it will help.  

I'm watching the Barefoot Contessa right now.....c'mon Golf...I'm not really fond of the Contessa....

Oh yeah, I'm going to highlight my hair this weekend (if I get energy)  wish me luck!!!

Free from little buddy again

Goodness I had to have that pouch with me until about 10 am this morning.  It was particularly annoying today.  I'm not sure why but it was.  When I went to have the pump removed, they went ahead and gave me some IV fluids, but evidently I didn't need anymore magnesium. Wonder what other metals are in the ol' body that I didn't know about!!!.  I fell asleep while having the IV, I kinda wish it had lasted a little longer.  That was a good little sleep!!  I'm trying to stay awake tonight until at least dusk.  I don't really want to go to bed with the sun shining through my bedroom windows..!!

I will say the neuralgia/neuropathy is particularly bad right now.  I learned, don't walk into the kitchen (tiled) in barefeet in the morning.  Boy howdy that will wake you up!! Imagine stepping on hundreds of pins sticking straight up from the floor, and then dancing around because you don't know what to do!!  Then the fingers..OMG they're worse than the feet and it doesn't need cold to set it off.  Tonight when I was driving home from work it just plain started.  It was hard to hold the steering wheel.  I've read that B12 might help ..I may get that but...has to be little pills.  I can not swallow the big pills i.e., calcium.  Won't go down.  

I'm doing ok.  You know, a few pains and aches but really not so bad yet.  I'm going to go back for fluids on Tuesday am and hope it helps me through next week.  Drinking liquids is also difficult.  Its hard to keep hydrated so the IV's help.  

Did anyone watch that National Geographic thing about what would happen to this planet if all of a sudden all of the people on this planet disappeared?  I did and it is stuck in my brain right now.  It just gave you a lot to think about and understand what we are doing to this planet and what would happen if we stopped.  I found it fascinating.  

One more thing before this evening continues....GO CELTICS!!!!!!

Unexpected surprise & 9 to go!!!

I had a treatment today.  That means I only have 9 left.  Its such a smaller number than 12 don't ya think?

I got the bestest, most unexpected phone call today.  I'm back and work, and I'm kinda loopy. The day of the treatment always makes me loopy.  Kinda drunk, non focusing on anything important.  But I'm ok, just loopy.  So the phone rings and its the gastrointestinal Dr that I haven't seen since my colonoscopy.  He sent me to the surgeon and I figured I wouldn't see him until next years colonoscopy. He says "Hi Linda how are you, this is Dr so and so and I'm calling to see how you're doing.  How was the surgery, whats going on now.  I told him about the chemo, he wanted to know if it had spread or was it preventative?  He then mentioned some little spots on my lungs.  They've been there and since they told me I had asthma.  The Pulmonary Dr said she thought they were nothing, but has done a CT every year since them.  I had the CT done, the same time I did the abdominal CT.  I just haven't made the appt to take the ct scan for my yearly budget.  It kinda faded into the background what with the colon cancer etc.  Anyway, Dr Gastro asked me for Dr Pulmonary's Name etc.  He's going to call her and make sure they're following up on it.  That has me a little nervous, but I refuse to think about it right now..call me Tara.  BUT.  are you believing that the Dr Gastro called after all of this time??? To check on me?  I think I love him.  I know my girlfriend and I both liked him a lot but expecting a follow up nearly 3 months later, to me is amazing and its nice to know I have on Dr who actually might care.............what a treat!!!!!

Sunday Again

Here I am everyone.  I had such a dreadful week and I didn't want to whine any more that I already have.  And, I have nothing but cancer/chemo totally taking over my life.  

Like next week, July 15th I'll go for my third treatment. I had a few issues the 2nd treatment day.  They gave me some fluids on the Thursday of week 2.  It helped me have a very nice weekend BUT, the week after the treatments are awful.  I hurt so much all last week.  I mean my whole body ached each and every day, all day. And...I was so tired last week. Two nights last week I came home from work and was in bed asleep by 8:30, and when I woke up..exhausted. 

Everything else is going ok. Rosco is his usual self.  I'm trying very hard to teach him not to bark at the passing neighbors.  Its not that it may bother them.  IT DRIVES ME CRAZY!!!!

I did get some stuff that I have been meaning to do for weeks.  I got tomato plants about 4 weeks ago.  So today they got new homes.  One is in the upside down thingy, one is in a hanging basket ( I may need to get another for this one!!) and the third one is in and bug plastic pot that I had.  The flowers that were in it died.  I won't buy any plants from Krogers,. When ever I buy a plant from them...Its dead in days  PSST..don't tell me it might be me or I'll start sulking. :-)

I also cleared out one big Kitchen cabinet and put stuff I use in its.  Moved the other stuff to the garage.  Also, tons of laundry.  When I have days that are good...I try to get as much done as I can and today was pretty good!!!

Go Celtics!!!

Happy Sunday...

Well, Friday went ok. I kept the diarrhea meds in me all day and was ok.  Went out Friday night and had such a nice time.  I needed that!!!  

I still had issues with leg cramps though.  I wondered on Friday AM if it was the sketchers shoes.  I usually wear them every other day at least.  Well, since it was the Memorial Day weekend (3 days, no work) I didn't wear them for those 3 days and Tuesday or Wed.  That's when the cramps started.  So, in my brilliance, Friday am I put on the Sketchers "Shape Ups".  My legs haven't bothered me since.  How odd is that!! All I need now is for the damn shoes to shape up my bod!!!   I'm also battling with the neuralgia.  Its so odd.  Sometimes I'm just walking through the house and my left hand will go nuts.  Feels like a pin cushion.  I'm keeping the gloves right next to the refrigerator, I also keep tongs right there in case I need an ice cube.  

I'm going to try Ribs again tonight.  But..I'm using country style ribs rather than baby back.  I'm going to put them in the crock pot for a while and them grill them.  Problem might be that its raining right now.  Its not shaping up to be a beautiful Sunday.  

Oh yeah.  I still want a convertible.  I may have to start buying lotto tickets.  I saw a BMW Friday night that, had it been red......................'nuf said

Thursday..I want ice

Ok, sent my little buddy packing today.  Pump free!!  I had to stay for fluids today because I'm having bad leg cramps.  I mean bad enough that I can't walk.  My BP was also 180/100+.  I didn't take my BP meds because on Tuesday one of the nurses suggested I stop my BP meds for a day or two and see if the dizzy had stopped.  Well, it stopped but my BP tried to kill me!!  Its always something.  SO..I went home and got my BP and took it, stopped and got a BP Cuff, went to work and took diarrhea medicine.  So far so good.  I'm a walking medical nightmare but my bp is back to 125/84.  I won't stop taking my meds anymore even for a day or two. 

So far, treatment two isn't quite bad really.  I know it sounds like it does but I can't complain yet.  Everything is under control.  Tomorrow is the day that was so bad after treatment one.  We'll see how that shapes up.  Oh yeah, I can complain about one thing that is driving me nuts.  This damned neuralgia (sp) . The reaction to cold.  ROOM TEMPERATURE DRINKS DO NOT QUENCH THIRST....NOPEY NOT ONE BIT...BUT.  if you're me and you pick up a bottle of vitamin water that you think is not too cold....the needles that start at the lips and go straight down your throat will inform you that it was way too cold!!!   Yep, I'm going to be thirsty until this passes.  Hopefully very soon.   hehehe...

Rosco is furious at me by the way.  I came home last night very tired.  I didn't do much, sat on the couch around 7 pulled over the lap top and....woke up at 11:00 PM. went to my bed and got up at 6:30 am.  He wasn't happy with his very tired Mom but mom felt pretty good this morning.  Too bad I can't sleep that much every day.!!!

Oh yeah, and I haven't bought a convertible yet.  Went back to french nails but I may be getting in the mood for hot pink..

Keep you posted about tomorrow and how its going.   

Two down, 10 to go...

Had second chemo treatment today. I'm now attached to my "little buddy" until Thursday morning.  They cut back on the 5FU due to the 4 days of diarrhea.  We'll see how my reaction will be after they disconnect the pump.  If reaction goes the same as the 1st treatment, I'll be very under the weather on Friday.  

The neuralgia is back with on hell of a vengeance.  I didn't think and took a sip of iced tea while I was driving back to work.  Nearly killed myself.  I now have to wear gloves when I reach into the refrigerator.  When I got back to work, I sounded like a duck.  I made a cup of hot tea and that helped it and took away the "duck" voice...    quack, quack.

Of course I have no idea why my fingers couldn't hold on the strawberry, but I just at a bowl on sliced strawberried, bananas, blue berries and yogurt .  I'm prepared for some days being a bit rough, some worse and some relatively easy.

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend.  Rosco and I did.  It was pretty warm today but,of course the rainshower got it down to 75. Its very pleasant here right now.

Hell's Kitchen started tonight.  Thats good. I love it when Chef shows me how not to act when I'm  mad. I vent through him 
Life is good....Keep that in mind  

I feel like such a baby

This week sucks.  I woke up Sat w/ diarrhea, stomach cramps etc and it lasted until Tuesday.  The Dr finally called in a prescription med to help stop it.  I lost 7 lbs between Sat am and Monday am.  The medicine helped but yesterday I was so dizzy I could barely function.  I felt awful and at times had a hard time focusing. Blurred vision (and I'm still having a little bit of that today) and wiped out.  

Today I woke up and just plain couldn't do it.  I called in work and stayed home today.  I'm hoping that the rest will perk me up for the rest of the week.  I guess I mistakenly thought this week would be ok since I wasn't having any more chemo this week.  WRONG.  I did better last week on the pump.  I fixed a ham and cheese omelet this morning and my stomach is killing me.

I'm depressed and its only been one week.  How bad is this going to get?  Lets hope the Dr will decrease the dosage of something to help me with this.  I need to know how to build up my strength too.  I'm determined to fight this but goodness I'm going to need some help.  

Oh yeah, frozen/cold things are still bothering my hands.  I guess I thought I would be gone by this time.  Its not bothering me when I drink cold but my left hand doesn't like one bit of anything in the refrigerator!!!

On another note I've been watching the "top kill" efforts today.  I'm finding it fascinating but there is still not word about its effect.  It will be a few hours before they know anything.  I hate what this is doing to our Gulf Coast.  The awful crap in our water is killing all kinds of fish, eels, dolphins etc.  They can not survive with that sludge in the water.  Maybe I don't have it so bad....at least mine will end, hopefully.  

So much for ..

not so bad.  I got up yesterday with diarrhea and nausea.  I couldn't do anything but sit here and be miserable. I slept a lot but that didn't help.  I knew there would be issues, i.e. nausea and diarrhea and I guess I knew there would be pain but I guess I wasn't ready for it to be this bad.  What scares me is its supposed to get worse..I don't have the time to take off of work. I have to go to work and believe me, I wouldn't have been able to work Saturday.  I don't know how long this is supposed to last (probably 6 mos) but right now I'm useless.  

Today isn't too bad.  My stomach is crazy.  If I didn't know that I had my gall bladder taken out I'd say that's what bothering me.  

I found a colon cancer message board and started reading it.  It scared the sh*t out of me. All of the posts are stories of chemo that isn't working or how many times people have had this treatment and now I want to do is cry.  I'm thinking I won't go back there.  Not until I have a grip on my treatment.  I can't eat.  The thought of swallowing makes me nauseous..  I made a scrambled egg and gave most of it to Rosco.  I bought some Ensure to make sure I get stuff in me that I need.  I'm hoping the appetite will come back.  I had no problem eating last week so I'm hoping that this will get better.  

I'll be okay I'm sure but I'm not internet surfing for any more information.  I'll just pay attention to the people I know who have gone through this. 

I did go to the store this morning to get myself some things to eat, should the urge come back.  As usual Rosco doesn't like the treat I brought back for him.  Little snot.  Oh yeah, and I got my laundry done.  After that my house looks like crap.  I just don't have it in me to dust,clean etc.  Please tell me this will get easier or I'll learn to cope with it.  

I'll beat this, I swear. Its just going to be a bit harder than I had hoped.   

Happy Saturday

Well, yesterday was ok.  I was tired but did fine at work etc. I actually went out last night with some friends.  I wasn't what you would call the "party animal" but I had a good time and was home around 8.  Rosco and I went to bed right after I got home.  

Today is not a good day.  Between Imodium and Phenergan I don't know whats going on.  This isn't a great day ahead.

Later

Good Thursday

I know its just day two but after all the horrible stories I've heard about chemo, I was expecting much worse.  Don't get me wrong, it probably won't be this good the more treatments I get and I'm ready for it.  BUT maybe not too bad so I'm holding out for not much worse than this is.

I got up this morning and as I was leaving my fingers began tingling.  It kind of felt like something under my fingernails was trying to push them out of my fingers.  It lasted about 15 minutes, went away and hasn't come back.  I can say this, I didn't touch anything cold at the time but I had opened the refrigerator and if that was a reaction to cold, I know I don't want it in my throat..Nopey.  I've been drinking room temperature iced tea.  Its tolerable but a hunk of ice would sure make it better!!

Tomorrow, I get my little buddy unhooked until next treatment.  Its really not too awful but carrying it around, can't get it wet, and remembering you're hooked to it etc.  I was looking forward to tomorrow with this removal but then a customer called, said I sounded good, but to remember day 3 is the worst.  Geeze, who the hell asked for that?  Not me.  So, I'm determined to be fine tomorrow if it hairlips Santa Clause.!!!!

Tonight I'm going to attempt to take a bath and not get the pump or the port wet.  I will also wash my hair in the sink.  It is now about to stick to my head.  This could be very, very interesting.  Maybe bath tonight...hair tomorrow am.  Might look better.

I'll take advice on anything unless you have something bad, depressing , or terrible that may come down the road.  I really don't need to know that.  I don't know anyone who reads me that would do that but just in case there is someone with an urge.  Cap it!!

One down...

Well here I am at home.  It went pretty well so far.  I got there at 8:30 and they took me to the room at 8:45.  They did lab work, and started a nausea IV.  After about 15 mins they started two of the meds.  They ran for about 2-2-1/2 hours. It wasn't bad at all.  

The next step was the "pump".  It was full of 5-fu meds and thats what will be slowly pumping into my system.  Port and pump are ok.  Hauling the pump around is rather annoying. I suppose I'll adjust to that in time.  I only have to wear it for 2 days , go back and have it taken off until the next treatement  6/3

I know this is a whining but.. No TV, and no WI-FI.  eek.  I sent Kat home around 11. After all its her day off and I was fine. AND. It was freaking freezing in the Dr's office. I'll have to find a light weight blanket and a small pillow to take.  I tried to go to sleep but that wasn't happening either.  I'm thinking the more I get into this I'll relax and be able to take a nap.  I may have figured out a way to get on the internet when I get there.  I just need to check on plans , prices etc.  I'd only need it for 6 months.  

I don't feel any real nausea, I guess you could call it uneasy tummy..  I'm not really hungry.  I do have nausea tablets that I have to take tomorrow and Friday.  They're expensive too!! Well, not as expensive if I didn't have insurance.  I've got 4 pills (through 2 treatments) for $25.00 Thats not too bad.  I cant remember the name of it.  Believe me, I'll let you know if it doesn't work!!

One more thing...The mammogram that I had Monday of this week, showed a nodule in my right breast.  I have to go back for a repeat mammogram on that side.  I can not work myself into anything of that. Just not right now, I've got the colon to deal with, so I'll start worrying about it sometime next week.  It, the repeat, was originally scheduled for tomorrow but my oncologist changed it to next week.  I can't have the mammogram with needles stuck in the pump!!!  After thought about that I'm totally agreeing.

So that's how today went.  It wasn't as bad as I feared .Tomorrow may be different or may be fine.  

Thank you all for your comments etc.  It makes my day to read them. 

Tomorrow is another day

First of all, its hotter than dammit here.  Way to hot for April 5th.  Rosco and I don't really know what to do to cool off.  I'm still too cheap to turn on the a/c this darned early.  Thank goodness for ceiling fans!!!

I bought a recorder today.  I'm going to try to record everything at the Dr.appt tomorrow.  I've also made a list of questions to make sure I ask.  I went and picked up the CD of my CT to take with me.  The Dr wants to see the actual CD tomorrow.  Lets just hope he's detailed and that there really isn't anything to see.  

I feel like I should be "saying more" or feeling more and putting it down but I just don't know how to do that.  I've very seldom put anything involving feelings on this blog before and now that I've got that damned "C" I'm just such a confused mess I'm not sure what to put down.  I may actually be more clear tomorrow and facing the reality of what I have since I'll find out the treatment etc.  Will I be totally confused, alone, upset............I guess I'll find out.

Thanks everyone

Crap...just more to drink

So, at 10:00 pm I have to drink this huge container of some sort of contrast crap for my CT tomorrow.  One of the problems is I never stay awake until 10.  Grr.  I'm not really complaining, or maybe I am, but this drinking stuff is just annoying.  So, at 10 pm TOAST TO YOU ALL!!  Its some of berry Smoothie...I can't wiat.   Have a great Sunday night folks..Toast me at 10 oK?

Just a Saturday

Well, I'm so tired right now I could just crawl back into bed. I may do that but I do have some housework to do, but I really don't care right now. Does that make sense? In all seriousness, nothing is making sense this week.  I'm hoping that by having a very peaceful weekend, being away from things that just plain confuse me, I'll be better.  

I'm thinking I should be out of control.  Crazy. Totally depressed (working on that one) but all I am is confused.  Feel like my brain has been put in a blender and I can't find the off button.  Is this normal?  Does anyone know?  I don't.

I did go meet some friends last night. Man, I needed that.  It was the first time this week I could just talk to people that I love, that love me and can balance it between serious and injecting some humor in it too.  I laughed good and hard and it did make me feel so much better.  Of course the wine didn't hurt either.  I was home and asleep by 10 pm.  That's me...a real party animal.  You know, having friends that you love, and that love you can help make things easier to deal with. 

Best friends, children and siblings........Perfect!!!

Not so great....

The Dr called yesterday and said he wanted to see me this morning at 9:15 am.  WELLLLL excuuuuse me.  How to terrify someone, and guarantee that they will be terrified all night long and worried like hell about what he wants.  After all I had an appt with him on April 1st., just next week.  So of course, I'm convinced that he has such bad news for me and that I'm going to be told I only have days left.  Really.  I cried all  night long and a good deal of this morning.  It wasn't that bad.  Thank goodness I had a friend who came with me.  She's far more level headed etc than I'll ever be.  The mass is malignant.  About 3 cm in size. And  of course it has to come out.  I haven't met with the surgeon yet.  Thats not until a week or so.  I'll then find out more information, what the procedure is and what I'm going to have done.  They'll check they lymph nodes in the surgery and will know then if its any where else.  

All of the polyps that he removed were all benign.  That's good news at least to me..  I'm having a CT on Monday for more exploring of the abdomen area just to be safe.  

So that's where I am now.  Borderline nuts but holding on.  I'm a bit terrified, or actually more than a bit.  What we have to pray for is "containment".  Just what they found , nothing else.  

I'll keep you updated.  This will be a very difficult journey for me and I hope I can manage it with all of my friends and family.