Posted at 02:45 PM in E-mail | Permalink | Comments (0)
I thought this was wonderful. Great attitude, don't ya think? Oh yeah., I LOVE DEXTER!!!!
Posted at 10:03 PM in E-mail | Permalink | Comments (0)
There's
always a lot to be thankful for if
you take time to look for it. For
example
I am sitting here thinking
how nice it is
that wrinkles don't
hurt...
Posted at 07:05 AM in E-mail | Permalink | Comments (2)
"I would like to tell you of the benefits of that plain little old bottle
of 3% peroxide you can get for under $1.00 at any drug store. My husband
has been in the medical field for over 36 years, and most doctors don't
tell you about peroxide, or they would lose thousands of dollars." >
1. Take one capful (the little white cap that comes with the bottle) and
hold in your mouth for 10 minutes daily, then spit it out. (I do it when I
bathe) >
No more canker sores and your teeth will be whiter without expensive
pastes. Use it instead of mouthwash. (Small print says mouth wash and
gargle right on the bottle) >
2. Let your toothbrushes soak in a cup of "Peroxide" to keep them free of
germs. >
3. Clean your counters, table tops with peroxide to kill germs and leave a
fresh smell. Simply put a little on your dishrag when you wipe, or spray it
on the counters. >
4. After rinsing off your wooden cutting board, pour peroxide on it to kill salmonella and other bacteria. >
5. I had fungus on my feet for years - until I sprayed a 50/50 mixture of
peroxide and water on them (especially the toes) every night and let dry. >
6. Soak any infections or cuts in 3% peroxide for five to ten minutes
several times a day. My husband has seen gangrene that would not heal with
any medicine, but was healed by soaking in peroxide. >
7. Fill a spray bottle with a 50/50 mixture of peroxide and water and keep
it in every bathroom to disinfect without harming your septic system like
bleach or most other disinfectants will. >
8. Tilt your head back and spray into nostrils with your 50/50 mixture
whenever you have a cold, or plugged sinuses. It will bubble and help to
kill the bacteria. Hold for a few minutes then blow your nose into a
tissue. >
9. If you have a terrible toothache and cannot get to a dentist right away,
put a capful of 3% peroxide into your mouth and hold it for ten minutes
several times a day. The pain will lessen greatly. >
10. And of course, if you like a natural look to your hair, spray the 50/50
solution on your wet hair after a shower and comb it through. You will not
have the peroxide burnt blonde hair like the hair dye packages, but more
natural highlights if your hair is a light brown, reddish, or dirty blonde.
It also lightens gradually so it's not a drastic change. >
11. Put half a bottle of peroxide in your bath to help rid boils, fungus,
or other skin infections. >
12. You can also add a cup of peroxide instead of bleach to a load of
whites in your laundry to whiten them. If there is blood on clothing, pour
directly on the soiled spot. Let it sit for a minute, then rub it and rinse
with cold water. Repeat if necessary. >
13. I use peroxide to clean my mirrors with, and there is no smearing which
is why I love it so much for this. >
I could go on and on. It is a little brown bottle no home should be
without! With prices of most necessities rising, I'm glad there's a way to
save tons of money in such a simple, healthy manner. >
Send on to others who might need to know the benefits of 3% peroxide .
l
Posted at 05:59 AM in E-mail | Permalink | Comments (0)
If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics. These questions and answers are from the days when "Hollywood Squares"game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now.
Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions.
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver (aka Clifford Arquette ): Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"?
A. Vincent Price : No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie : You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps.
One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie : Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen : Only after lights out.
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde : Make him bark?
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde : Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver : I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver : His feet.
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.
Posted at 06:25 AM in E-mail | Permalink | Comments (2)
Subject: I'd Rather Have
A guy is 81 years old and loves to fish. He was sitting in his
boat the other day when he heard a voice say, "Pick me up."
He looked around and couldn't see any one. He thought he was
dreaming when he heard the voice say again, "Pick me up."
He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.
The man said, "Are you talking to me?"
The frog said, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up. Then, kiss
me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever
seen. I'll then give you more sexual pleasure that you ever could have
dreamed of."
The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked
it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.
Then the frog said, "What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what
I said? I said kiss me and I will give you sexual pleasures like you have
never had."He opened his pocket, looked at the frog
and said,
"Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog."
Posted at 06:09 PM in E-mail | Permalink | Comments (0)
** LIFE IN THE 1500'S ***
The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be . Here are some facts about the1500s:
Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May
and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell
so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.
Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, Don't throw the baby out with the Bath water..
Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath
It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying . It's raining cats and dogs.
There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house.. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.
The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying, Dirt poor. The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entranceway. Hence the saying a thresh hold.
(Getting quite an education, aren't you?)
In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme, Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old..
Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, bring home the bacon. They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and chew the fat..
Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death
This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.
Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the upper crust.
Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a wake.
England is old and small and the local folks started running out of
places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift.) to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be, saved by the bell or was considered a ...dead ringer..
And that's the truth. Now, whoever said History was boring ! ! !
Educate someone. Share these facts with a friend.
Posted at 04:50 PM in E-mail | Permalink | Comments (2)
Subject: Thoughts to make you smile
1.Birds of a feather flock together and poop on your car.
2. When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
3. A penny saved is a government oversight.
4. The real art of conversation is not
only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the
wrong thing at the tempting moment.
5. The older you get,
the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have
gotten to be really good friends.
6. The easiest way to
find something lost around the house is to buy a
replacement.
7 He who hesitates is probably right.<
8. Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40)
are " XL."
9. If you think there is good in everybody, you
haven't met everybody.
10. If you can smile when things go
wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
11. The sole
purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
12. There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take
time to look for it. or example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that
wrinkles don't hurt.
13. Did you ever notice: When you put
the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "Theirs."
>
Posted at 07:31 AM in E-mail | Permalink | Comments (4)
Posted at 08:57 PM in E-mail | Permalink | Comments (3)
Posted at 09:11 PM in E-mail | Permalink | Comments (1)
This is similar to one about the cold north so I thought I'd share it so you'll have it in January ....Enjoy!!
Dear Diary:
May 30th:
Just moved to Madison, Mississippi...Now this is a city that knows
how to live!!
Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! Watched the sunset from the Reservoir lying on a blanket. It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.
>
June 14th:
Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an
air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to
see the sun on the water everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun
worshipper.
>
June 30th:
Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
>
July 10th:
The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do people get
used to this kind of heat? At least it's kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat and humidity is taking longer that I expected.
>
July 15th:
Fell asleep by the pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body.)
Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson
though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.
>
July 20th:
I missed Morgan (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left for work
this morning. By the time I got to the hot car for lunch, Morgan had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the $2,000 leather upholstery. I told the kids that she ran away. The car now smells like Kibbles and shits. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat.
>
July 25th:
The wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!! And it's
hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the A/C repairman charged $200 just to stop by and tell me he needed to order parts.
>
July 30th:
Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. $1,500 in damn
house payments and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?
>
August 4th:
It's 105 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today. It cost
$500 and gets the temperature down to 85, but this freaking humidity makes the house feel like it's about 95. Stupid repairman pissed in my pool. I hate this stupid city.
>
August 8th:
If another wise ass cracks, "Hot enough for you today?", I'm going to
strangle him. Damn heat. By the time I get to work the radiator is
boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!!
>
August 9th:
Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts and sat on the black leather seats in the ol' car. I thought my ass was on fire. I lost two layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and ass. Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried ass, and baked cat.
>
August 10th:
The weather report might as well be a damn recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do anything for 2 damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week!! Doesn't it ever rain in this damn desert?? Water rationing will be next, so might as well watch $1700 worth of cactus just dry up and blow into the damn pool. Even the cactus can't live in this damn heat.
>
August 15th:
Welcome to HELL!!! Temperature got to 105 today. Forgot to crack the window and blew the damn windshield out of the car. The installer came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?" My wife had to spend the $1500 house payment to bail me out of jail. Freaking South.
What kind of a sick demented idiot would want to live here?
Posted at 08:15 AM in E-mail | Permalink | Comments (1)
Posted at 09:39 PM in E-mail | Permalink | Comments (1)
I got this in e-mail today so you may have already seen it but....heck I like it..
Posted at 06:00 PM in E-mail | Permalink | Comments (0)
To realize
The value of a
sister
Ask someone
Who doesn't
have one.
To realize
The value of
ten years:
Ask a newly
Divorced
couple.
To realize
The value of
four years:
Ask a graduate.
To realize
The value of
one year:
Ask a student
who
Has failed a
final exam.
To realize
The value of
nine months:
Ask a mother
who gave birth to a stillborn
To realize
The value of
one month:
Ask a mother
Who has given
birth to
A premature
baby.
To realize
The value of
one week:
Ask an editor
of a weekly newspaper.
To realize
The value of
one minute:
Ask a person
Who has missed
the train, bus or plane.
To realize
The value of
one-second:
Ask a person
Who has
survived an accident.
Time waits for
no one.
Treasure every
moment you have.
You will
treasure it even more when
You can share
it with someone special.
To realize the
value of a friend or family member:
LOSE ONE.
Remember...
Hold on tight to the ones you Love
This was in my email this morning and I wanted to share...
Posted at 08:38 AM in E-mail | Permalink | Comments (1)
Number 9 - Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one
can die.
Number 8 - Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see
him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
Number 7 - Give a person a
fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they
won't bother you for weeks.
Number 6 - Some people are like a Slinky ...
not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove
them down the stairs.
Number 5 - Health nuts are going to feel stupid
someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
Number 4 - All of us could
take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
Number 3 - Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200 and a
substantial tax cut saves you 30 cents?
Number 2 - In the 60s, people
took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird an! d people take
Prozac to make it normal.
AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT FOR 2006: We know
exactly where one cow with mad cow disease is located among the millions and
millions of cows in America but we haven't got a clue as to where thousands of
illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the
Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration.
Posted at 07:47 PM in E-mail | Permalink | Comments (0)
A Living Will
A man and his wife were sitting in the living room and he
said to her,
"Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state,
dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just
pull the plug."
His wife got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all of his beer.
ahhh.. the joy of email jokes......hehehe
Posted at 06:20 PM in E-mail | Permalink | Comments (2)
PAY
SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING. IF YOU KNOW THE BIBLE EVEN A
LITTLE, YOU'LL FIND THIS HILARIOUS! IT COMES FROM A CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY
SCHOOL TEST KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS. THE
FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN. THEY HAVE NOT
BEEN RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED. INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN.
2. ADAM AND EVE WERE
CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND
THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.
3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE
NIGHT.
4. THE JEWS WERE A
PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC
GENITALS.
5. SAMPSON WAS A
STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.
6. SAMSON SLAYED THE
PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.
7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH IS
BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.
8, THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO
MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.
9. THE FIRST
COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.
10. THE SEVENTH
COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.
11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA. THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN
THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.
12. THE GREATEST
MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED
HIM.
13. DAVID WAS A
HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A
RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.
14. SOLOMON, ONE OF
DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.
15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.
16. WHEN THE THREE
WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.
17. JESUS WAS BORN
BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.
18. ST. JOHN THE
BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.
19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY
DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.
20. IT WAS A MIRICLE
WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE
ENTRANCE.
21. THE PEOPLE WHO
FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.
22. THE EPISTELS WERE
THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.
23. ONE OF THE
OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.
24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED
TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.
25. CHRISTIANS HAVE
ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.
Posted at 12:10 PM in E-mail | Permalink | Comments (2)
Posted at 08:38 AM in E-mail | Permalink | Comments (6)
From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like
this:
>
>What Makes 100%?
>What does it mean to give MORE than
100%?
>Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than
100%?
>
>We have all been to those meetings, where someone wants you
to give
>over 100% .
>How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100%
in life?
>
>Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you
answer these
>questions:
>
>If:
>A B C D E F G H I J K L
M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
>1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12
13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25
26.
>
>Then:
>
>H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
>8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11
=
98%
>
>And
>
>K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
>11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5
=
96%
>
>But,
>
>A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
>1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5
=
100%
>
>And,
>
>B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
>2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20
= 103%
>
>
>
>
>And, look how far ass kissing will
take
you.;
>
>A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
>1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7
= 118%
>
>So, one can conclude with mathematical
certainty that..
>
>While Hard Work and Knowledge will get you
close, and Attitude will get
>you there....but it's the Bullshit and
Ass Kissing that will put you over
>the
top
Posted at 04:39 PM in E-mail | Permalink | Comments (1)
Halloween doggies..............Gave me a good laugh
Posted at 01:24 PM in E-mail | Permalink | Comments (4)
You knew it had to start........
Posted at 03:49 PM in E-mail | Permalink | Comments (4)
That is if I can get it here right...
IMPORTANT BULLETIN
Many men are buying "black market" Vi* gra pills
from Mexican mail-order drug stores.
The U.S Food and Drug Administration announced that
several of these pharmacies are mixing the Vi* gra with
ground up Mexican Jumping Beans.
The results can be horrible....
Here is what you get when you combine Vi * gra
with Mexican Jumping! Beans.
(scroll down...)
Posted at 07:18 PM in E-mail | Permalink | Comments (2)
I am soooo sorry about you being sent to the dog pound for the broken lamp which you did not break; the fish you did not spill; and the carpet that you did not wet; or the wall that you did not dirty with red paint...
But things here at the house really are calmer now, and just to show you that there are no hard feelings between us, I am sending you a picture, so you will always remember me.
Best regards,
The Cat
Posted at 11:41 AM in E-mail | Permalink | Comments (3)
I was going to post this because I liked what it said. When I finished with the numbered things I then read the thing..you know "send this to ?? people and your life will improve, etc" Well, I never do that, but as I was copying this I came across this....
There's some mighty fine advice in these words, even if you're not superstitious. This has been sent To you for good luck from the Anthony Robbins organization. It has been sent around the world ten times so Far.
Do not keep this message.
must leave your hands in 6 MINUTES. Otherwise you will get a very unpleasant surprise. This is true, even if you are not superstitious, agnostic, or otherwise faith impaired
Posted at 02:16 PM in E-mail | Permalink | Comments (1)
Football's just around the corner!
Tennessee's football team has 12% of their players who have been suspended
for team violations or have been arrested since the end of last season.
In light of these brushes with the Southern Legal System, Tennessee has
decided to build a new football stadium.
see below............
Posted at 01:59 PM in E-mail | Permalink | Comments (3)
SO YOU THINK YOU KNOW EVERYTHING?
A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.
A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.
A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
A shark is the only fish that can blink w ith both eyes.
A snail can sleep for three years.
Al Capone's business card said he was an used furniture dealer.
All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.
Almonds are a member of the peach family.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.
Butterflies taste with their feet.
Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds. Dogs only have about 10.
"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt."
February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
If the population of China walked past you, in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
If you ! are an average American, in your whole life, you will spend an average of 6 months waiting at red lights.
It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.
Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.
No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.
On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag.
Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
"Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand and "lollipop" with your right.
The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel fuel that it burns.
The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pock et.
The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter of the alphabet.
The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.
The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes).
There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar
There are more chickens than people in the world.
There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous
There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: "abstemious" and "facetious."
There's no Betty Rubble in the Flintstones Chewables Vitamins.
Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.
W omen blink nearly twice as much as men.
Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks; otherwise it will digest itself.
Okay.................Now you know everything
Posted at 11:32 AM in E-mail | Permalink | Comments (4)
Subject: Bottle Of Merlot
The waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, "This is from the gentleman seated over there," indicating the sender. She regarded the wine coolly for a second without looking over at the man, and decided to send a reply to the note.
The waiter, who was lingering for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman. The note read: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank and 7 inches in your pants."
After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded his note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to return this to the woman.
It read: "For your information, I have a Ferrari Maranello, a BMW Z8, a Mercedes CL600 and a Porsche Turbo in my garage. There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account. However, not even for a woman as beautiful as you would I cut off three inches. Just send the bottle back".
Posted at 11:00 AM in E-mail | Permalink | Comments (4)
Posted at 06:37 PM in E-mail | Permalink | Comments (4)
Happy Saturday morning. I hope its not raining like hell where you are, because it sure is here...What a dreadful way to start the day. Maxi doesn't even want to go outside to pee...(He did though).
Of course, if you're planning on watching The Open, this weather is good for that and of course, that's what I'm doing but, I do have to go to the store
I'm not going to complain but the neighbors are making some really odd noises. It's not TV or Radio, and its not even voices, its "moving around" noises and lots of them. They were making them all evening last night, so much so that Maxi was pacing around looking towards the ceiling. Now keep in mind, the ceiling of my living room, is the floor of my bedroom. There are no neighbors upstairs or downstairs. We're next to each other ....so I have no idea what they're doing but it does sound like they're in my room..........I'll tell you this. I am watching this golf tournament. I am holding on to one thought....Maybe they're moving!!!!!!
Well, here's another story of a bad day for you just to keep you going and bring a bit of a laugh.....Have a nice day..
Posted at 08:49 AM in E-mail | Permalink | Comments (5)
Ha. I thought I was until I got this and many more in email today...I'll pass them on one at a time
> > >> >Think you are having a bad day?
>> >
>> >
>> >Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a
>> burned-out section of forest while assessing the
>> damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male was
>> dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba
>> tanks on his back, flippers, and face mask.
>> >
>> >A postmortem test revealed that the man died not
>> from burns, but from massive internal injuries.
>> Dental records provided a positive identification.
>> Investigators then set about to determine how a
>> fully clothed diver ended up in the middle of a
>> forest fire.
>> >
>> >It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the
>> man went diving off the coast, some 20 miles from
>> the forest. The fire fighters, seeking to control
>> the fire as quickly as possible, had called in a
>> fleet of helicopters with very large dip buckets.
>> Water was dipped from the ocean and emptied at the
>> site of the forest fire.
>> >
>> >You guessed it. One minute our diver was making
>> like Flipper in the Pacific, the next, he was doing
>> the breast stroke in a fire dip bucket 300 feet in
>> the air.
>> >
>> >Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed.
>> >
Life is Good........................
Posted at 06:24 PM in E-mail | Permalink | Comments (0)
Please men, don't take offense...ehehe
I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off
>the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her
>and I asked her not to do that.
>"Why?" my daughter asked. "Because it's been laying outside, you don't know
>where it's been, it's dirty and probably has germs" I replied.
>At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and
>asked,"Wow! How do you know all this stuff?"
>"Uh," ....I was thinking quickly, "All moms know this stuff. It's on the
>Mommy Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a
>Mommy." We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently
>pondering this new information.
>"OH...I get it!" she beamed, "So if you don't pass the test you have to be
>the daddy."
>"Exactly" I replied back with a big smile on my face.
>When you've finished laughing, send this to a Mom
Posted at 07:51 AM in E-mail | Permalink | Comments (4)
One of my sisters sent this to me today, it sounds logical so I'm going to share it
He told us that dryer sheets cause a film over that mesh and that's what burns out the heating unit. You can't SEE the film, but it's there. He said the best way to keep your dryer working for a very long time (and to keep your electric bill lower) is to take that filter out and wash it in hot soapy water and an old toothbrush (or other brush) at least every six months. He said that makes the life of the dryer at least twice as long! How about that???!!! Learn something new everyday!
Note from Janet:
I went to the dryer and tested my screen by running water on it. The water collected quite a bit as it ran slowly through the screen. I was ready to dry it off and put it back in the dryer since the water ran through it but, I thought, "What the heck, it won't hurt to wash it" while I had it out.
Warm soapy water and a nylon brush and I had it done in 30 seconds. I then ran the water over the screen again and what a difference! The water just gushed through it with no puddling at all and this time I was running the water at a faster rate. That repairman knew what he was talking about. Try it yourself. You'll be amazed.
Posted at 04:28 PM in E-mail | Permalink | Comments (3)
This is awesome, I got it in my e-mail this morning. Being the trusting person that I am, I'm going to assume its for real...Enjoy!
Posted at 09:53 AM in E-mail | Permalink | Comments (3)
Go here and see how you do.....its fun....something to do on your lunch breake waiting for Zoots results.....
Posted at 11:29 AM in E-mail | Permalink | Comments (4)
From e-mail today....ick...
Pass the glue stick, please!
I used to work for an envelope company. Our plant supervisor used
to work in the Chicago plant and told us not to lick the envelopes because
they would often find dead rats at the bottom of the glue barrel (after
thousands of envelopes had been glued and shipped). EEWW!
------------------------------------------------------
I work in a factory and we have 2 employees who used to work in
an envelope factory. They told me that when the machine jams up, they use
whatever water is handy to thin out the glue. This includes water that they
just mopped the floor with. Since then, I've avoided licking envelopes...
-------------------------------------------------------------
Posted at 12:00 PM in E-mail | Permalink | Comments (1)
Finally got a good one today and since its Friday I'll share it and we can all look forward to the weekend with a grin...
I could have written this myself...
Letter to the Cat and Dog
Posted at 12:52 PM in E-mail | Permalink | Comments (6)
Beautiful Blonde pole dancer
Hope you don't mind a bit of risque',
which I rarely send along!
If you should find it too offensive,
please advise and we will remove your name
No one knows if you take a peek
so go ahead and watch the Blonde Pole Dancer,
you owe it to yourself.
(Open Discreetly)
Please look below....
Posted at 05:50 PM in E-mail | Permalink | Comments (10)
At least I think its funny so I'm going to share it with all of us who may occasionally think we're dopes..........Unless you are in this e-mail you're not a dope...
Posted at 12:05 PM in E-mail | Permalink | Comments (0)
Another little e-mail today
We started to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10
years old only to find that anything that came in
contact with those tender, blooming buds hurt so
bad it brought us to tears. So came the
ridiculously uncomfortable training bra contraption
that the boys in school would snap until we had
calluses on our backs.
Posted at 12:23 PM in E-mail | Permalink | Comments (2)
The only reason I would take up exercising is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
Hey... its Monday and I'm boring...Thank goodness for email stuff!!
Posted at 08:28 PM in E-mail | Permalink | Comments (1)
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. Now she's 97 years old and we don't know where she is.
Posted at 01:36 PM in E-mail | Permalink | Comments (3)
Today was a good e-mail day...Here's one to start...
The Sunday School Teacher asked, "Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
Posted at 12:57 PM in E-mail | Permalink | Comments (0)
Were you wondering if its' lunch time? Well....
Posted at 12:20 PM in E-mail | Permalink | Comments (3)
Is this true? I just got this in my e-mail...........Heck, I grew up on this stuff
DO YOU KNOW...the difference between margarine and butter? Read on
to the end...gets very interesting!
Both have the same amount of calories.
Butter is slightly higher in
saturated fats at 8 grams compared to 5 grams.
Eating margarine can increase heart disease in women by 53% over
eating the same amount of butter, according to a recent Harvard Medical
Study.
Eating butter increases the absorption of many other nutrients in other
foods.
Butter has many nutritional benefits where margarine has a few only
because they are added!
Butter tastes much better than margarine and it can enhance the flavors
of other foods.
Butter has been around for centuries where margarine has been around
for less than 100 years.
And now, for Margarine...
Very high in trans fatty acids...
Triple risk of coronary heart disease..
Increases total cholesterol and LDL (this is the bad cholesterol)
Lowers HDL cholesterol, (the good cholesterol) ...
Increases the risk of cancers by up to five fold...
Lowers quality of breast milk...
Decreases immune response...
Decreases insulin response.
And here is the most disturbing fact....
HERE IS THE PART THAT IS VERY INTERESTING!
Margarine is but ONE MOLECULE away from being PLASTIC...
This fact alone was enough to have me avoiding margarine for life and
anything else that is hydrogenated (this means hydrogen is added,
changing the molecular structure of the substance).
YOU can try this yourself: purchase a tub of margarine and leave it in
your garage or shaded area. Within a couple of days you will note a
couple
of
things: no flies, not even those pesky fruit flies will go near it (that
should tell you something) .. it does not rot or smell differently..
because it has no nutritional value, nothing will grow on it...even
those teeny weeny microorganisms will not a find a home to grow. Why?
Because it is nearly plastic. Would you melt your Tupperware and spread
that on
your toast?
Share This With Your Friends....(Butter them up!)
Posted at 07:37 PM in E-mail | Permalink | Comments (3)